Hey guys this is my first post and have been a lurker for a while on this forum. Im in the earlier process of building my application/package and was looking for some healthy criticism/review of my essay, thanks!
**If it seems a bit ambiguous in terms of Army references it's because Im applying for multiple commissioning programs (Navy)
*Is this too long?
Like many kids growing up I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do when I got older, yet I knew wanted to do something bigger than myself. It took me a while to figure out what that could possibly be, but it hit me in my earliest adult years.
I went to the University of Kansas and eventually earned my bachelors in economics. Along the way I had the opportunity to intern with the university’s “Student Money Management Services”. My job was to help my peers who were once like me: struggling with personal finances and financial aid come up with plans for financial success. The most rewarding part about that job was the satisfaction of helping someone who was in need; you couldn’t put a price on that feeling. It was this same satisfaction that confirmed my future career path had to be one where I directly helped those around me. So that’s when I decided to focus on a career providing for a community. And what better community is there than the Unites States of America?
So like any other ambitious person I called my local recruiting office and inquired about all the different programs the military had to offer. In that process what intrigued me the most was the aviation community. After doing more research I learned I had the capability of being an officer upon completion of my degree. But as I went to speak to a couple recruiters they began to tell me I wasn’t competitive where I stood, and to be frank they were right. It wasn’t a matter if I could apply for a commission but rather was a commission right for me at the time.
I struggled most of my college career academically, financially, and even in my personal life. It wasn’t until the later part of my junior year I got myself completely together. Knowing all that I still had a desire to serve a community. So I did what most people would tell you not do, and enlisted with a degree shortly after college hoping one day soon I could earn a commission. And to be honest I don’t regret it at all. The military has sharpened me in ways most careers would never. It’s been a catalyst to my already progressive mindset and for that I am thankful for. But there’s still a part of me that knows Iam capable of more.
Working as an avionics technician has given me the opportunity to be a part of a bigger community but I know I have the ability of better serving my country. It’s been almost four years since I first reached out to a recruiter and since then I’ve tremendously grown, not just as a service member, but also as a person. Whether its community volunteering, pursuing a MBA, or taking small leadership roles, I’m always finding new ways to better myself so that I can in return better those around me. By being surrounded by officers I’ve had the opportunity to firsthand understand that this is what they do at a larger scale.
I believe if granted the opportunity to be a commissioned officer I would not only be a successful leader, but I would be able to greater serve those who are in need. My belief in my success stems from where I’ve been, knowing what it does and does not take to be a successful leader. In the words of retired four-star General Colin Powell “ Success is the result of perfection, hard work, learning from failure, loyalty, and persistence.” I’ve learned from my shortfalls and have seen exemplary leadership since. For the past four years I have been working hard on perfecting who I can be and doing everything in my control to make a commission a reality. I hope that you also see this potential and allow me to better help my peers by becoming an aviator in the United States _____.