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#1 Circuitous

Circuitous

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Posted 05 August 2018 - 12:15

I've been lurking these forums for a bit now and I'm nearing the deadline for my AD board. What are some good tips for writing a standout resume summary? This is what I have so far:

 

    I immigrated to the United States with my family when I was 7. Although I wasn't born here, I have always considered America to be my home. While I was in college, I participated in multiple speech and debate tournaments. One example was moot court, where teams of two would simulate the United States Supreme Court and argue constitutional law. I was successful at moot court and won the National Championship in 2016. Often times, moot court practice would devolve into my teammates debating who had the better legal argument. During these arguments, I would often refer to myself as an American. One of those times, another team member remarked that I wasn't allowed to say that. I couldn't claim to be an American because I wasn't a citizen yet. That statement resonated with me negatively. The next year, I decided that I would earn my citizenship by enlisting in the Army. I thoroughly enjoy serving in the Army, so I want to prolong my career by becoming a warrant officer. I am an ideal candidate to be a warrant officer and an aviator because I am driven to succeed and resilient to any setbacks.  
      I want to be an aviator because it would give me an environment where there are new, unique challenges that I have never seen before. I thrive in environments like that. I was taught at a young that if I wasn't being challenged, I wasn't improving. Because of this, I took the hardest college courses I could find so that I could keep improving. I took courses in Russian, a course about Classical Mythology taught in Ancient Greek, and numerous mathematically intensive courses. These classes weren't in my comfort zone, but I drove on until I succeeded. As an aviator, I would bring this drive to learning my new craft to the highest level possible. 
      Even if there are bumps in my road to becoming an aviator, I won't stop. While conducting Airborne training at Fort Benning, my parachute had a partial malfunction. This led me to plummet for about 150 feet with a partial canopy. When I landed, most of the cartilage and ligaments in my shoulder were shredded. I also suffered from nerve palsy on my left side. Instead of giving up, I drove on. I attended an intensive physical therapy regimen and had a surgical procedure done to repair the residual damage. I had low chance of full recovery, but I managed to fully recover. I bounced back from that injury, and I will bounce back from any issues I have when I'm an aviator. I want to serve my adopted country in the best way that I can for all the great things that she has done for me. Being an aviator is the best way I can

 

 

I'm aiming for the January board because I'm within my three month recovery window for Lasik. Are is there anything else I can do in the meantime to make my application more competitive? My stats are:

 

Age: 22

GT: 137

SIFT: 58

PT: 245 (waiting on a retest)

Civilian Ed: BA, Economics 3.4 GPA

Prior Military: AD E-4, Combat Engineer



#2 Spiffy_cup_of_coffee

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Posted 06 August 2018 - 12:45

i think focus less on the civilian emotional hardships and talk more about what qualities you have to lead service members. you spent time in the military, so talk more about how you took on roles of leadership while active duty, how many soldiers you took charge of...deployments you went on... and challenges you overcame in your job to set you apart as a leader.

 

you focused so much on personal struggles you didn't talk about how you took on burden of leadership for others.

 

 

 

I'm not an English major but let me know if you need any more tips.






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