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WOFT Essay On Track?

Essay WOFT Essay WOFT Aviator Army Aviator Resume LOR Essay Exampleq Packet WOFT Packet

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#1 future_aviator

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Posted 02 February 2019 - 22:37

All,

 

I am a civilian with no prior military experience currently working on my WOFT packet.  Can someone tell me if I am on the right track with my WOFT essay? I wrote this early on so I can revise it over time and am checking to see if this is on the right track to a solid essay.

Trying to keep it down to 3 concise paragraphs per some of the helpful information found throughout this great forum. Its in very rough form so I am hoping to continue working on it.

 

Thanks in advance for your evaluation.

 

"Why I Want to be an Army Aviator"

 

As a Warrant Officer and Army Aviator, my leadership, communication, and technical abilities paired with a passion for education and strong values will serve the Army in all missions in which I am involved. I want to be an Army Aviator because the Army’s core values resonate deeply with my own and I believe this position will enable me to flourish as a leader, soldier, and a technical expert. Not to mention, piloting an aircraft for the U.S. Army is highly exciting to me and will fulfill my childhood dream of operating in the sky.

 

Throughout the process of becoming a black belt in Taekwondo I founded my own core values. Loyalty and respect for my instructors as well as honor for the culture of my art form came first. Eventually, I founded the Junior instructor program of the American Taekwondo Association in my town and became a leader and a role model. Providing my peers a direct path to leadership gave me a valuable sense of honor, pride and great personal fulfillment. As a Warrant Officer I will be loyal to the United States Army, implement my leadership ability, and find great honor and pride in putting my life on the line to serve my country.

 

Multi-tasking under high stress and making impactful decisions with limited information energizes me. While earning my degree in Information Technology with a 3.98 GPA, I focused on a career to develop my technical skill and ability to multitask in high stress environments. As a technical analyst, I became an expert in my field and learned how to effectively communicate in various formats with emergency services as I regularly spearheaded prioritized efforts to restore infrastructure in response to emergency situations. I strive to become an expert in any field in which I am involved. As an Army Aviator I will apply my drive to succeed, passion for education, effective communication skills and technical aptitude to master my aircraft. 



#2 mike0331

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Posted 04 February 2019 - 11:22

I think you're on the right track mentioning your civilian education, leadership, black belt, starting a program, etc. I do think it needs to be reorganized. You should hint at that stuff in the opening paragraph, and then perhaps emphasize it later on. Also, you don't necessarily need to stick to 3 paragraphs if it's better organized into more paragraphs (while still keeping it short and to the point). It's ok to have a 3 sentence paragraph if it works.

As I'm sure you've seen one of the posters on here sits on these boards, and his insight is that they give 2-3 minutes per packet including glancing over your essay. I'd start out "introducing" some of your accomplishments so they get noticed. I don't know what their criteria is, but if I were reading your essay and knew you were a civilian applicant, I think your High GPA and black belt demonstrate your drive and those are perhaps the most stand-out things. 

 

Mike



#3 future_aviator

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Posted 04 February 2019 - 12:21

Mike,

Thank you very much for the helpful critique. I really cut this essay down to the basics after reading some of the other posts in an effort to keep it as concise as possible and I really like your idea of getting some of those qualifications/achievements into the first paragraph. That will leave some of the rest of the essay open to adding more without increasing the length too much. There are some other qualifications I felt would be helpful to include and that will help open it up a bit I think. I also feel like I need to add a better closing paragraph to sum up again why I think I would make a good Warrant Officer/Army Aviator.

Thank you for the response! I am going to continue to revise later this afternoon.

Steve
San Diego

#4 Gideon

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Posted 05 February 2019 - 17:24

I would agree with Mike, I feel that you are definitely on the right track with keeping your essay short and sweet but needs some more organization to it. In doing so you also need to be able to drive your point home efficiently. From what I read you are trying to tell the board you have always wanted to be an Army pilots, you have leadership and mentor-ship experience, you will be loyal, you were a technical expert before, and will bring all this to being a pilot. Not saying these are bad but I just wanted you to know my takeaways since I have no clue who you are before reading this.

 

Personally for organization I divided my essay into 4 paragraphs. The first being a quick intro to why I want to join the Army. Second, why I believe I will be a good Army Aviator, third why I specifically believe I want to be a Warrant, and lastly a conclusion to tie it all together. If you would like I can PM you a link to my essay for you to look over.



#5 mike0331

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Posted 05 February 2019 - 19:55

Likewise I can PM you my essay

 

Mike



#6 future_aviator

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Posted 06 February 2019 - 08:08

That would be great, thank you both for your input.







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