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WOFT essay

WOFT Essay

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#1 tris1

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Posted 09 July 2019 - 04:03

Hey everyone, I just finished a first draft of my essay. I really didn't know what to write, so I just wrote my reasons for wanting to be a flying warrant. Any critiques would be really helpful

 

Why I want to be an Army Warrant Officer

I can’t say I have had some lifelong urge to fly, I can’t say I worked my whole life for this opportunity, I didn’t take college level courses in aeronautics or aeronautical engineering, I didn’t start flying as a kid or have any family members who are pilots. What I can tell you is that while serving as a us navy corpsman in Afghanistan, that the courage and professionalism I saw day in and day out from the army aviation assets that I worked with peaked my interest in the branch. But that’s where it stopped, for years it simply sat in the back of my mind, what if. I finished college and had a lot of opportunities in front of me, but I kept turning them down one after another, nothing felt right.

 I finally said to myself I should keep being a medic and if I’m going to be a medic then I should be the best I can be, I’m going to become a flight paramedic. And so that’s what happened I studied and worked and finally got my dream job. But life is not perfect and bad things happen. One late rainy foggy night in September the unthinkable happened and a helicopter carrying two of my friends and two patients crashed, killing three out of the four onboard. I had no idea how this could happen but I had to understand it, I had to coup with it. So I found comfort in the old adage when you fall off a horse the only thing left to do is get up and get back on.

 So I found a helicopter flight school, I called one after another asking, do you have any past army aviators as instructors, only one said they did. So that’s the one I choose, I knew from Afghanistan the best pilots in the world are army aviators and if I was going to come to terms and understand my friends death I needed to know I would be flying with an instructor I can trust. This is when I meet Dave, a short man, a quite professional, a retired apache pilot. At first I never asked him about his time in the military I figured like me he’d been on deployments and probably didn’t want to talk about it. But as the hours towards my private pilot’s license clicked away we became friends. We talked to each other. The challenges of overcoming deployments, the transition to civilian life, and most importantly what being a warrant officer was like. He talked about being the subject matter expert, the man the command counts on to get the job done. The one who holds the institutional knowledge of the organization and is responsible for passing that down to the junior generation. The warrant officer corps is not one that requires the tough hard line that a Coronal may need to lead their troops, but it’s one who can lead by example and can provide that layer of knowledge on how to complete the task, and the why it needs to be done.

While I have overcome the death of my friends and learned to absolutely love flying, it’s not that which drives me to apply for the WOFT program, it’s the stories of my instructor, the memories of the warrant officers I meet flying in Afghanistan, and the retired Army warrants I work with now as a flight medic; it’s the drive to return to something bigger than myself and far more meaningful than a fancy car or big house. It’s the drive to lead soldiers and to complete the toughest of missions, to be the one my commanders count on. This is what drives me to be a U.S. Army Warrant Officer.



#2 Richie88

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Posted 09 July 2019 - 04:59

Hey everyone, I just finished a first draft of my essay. I really didn't know what to write, so I just wrote my reasons for wanting to be a flying warrant. Any critiques would be really helpful

 

Why I want to be an Army Warrant Officer

I can’t say I have had some lifelong urge to fly, I can’t say I worked my whole life for this opportunity, I didn’t take college level courses in aeronautics or aeronautical engineering, I didn’t start flying as a kid or have any family members who are pilots. What I can tell you is that while serving as a us navy corpsman in Afghanistan, that the courage and professionalism I saw day in and day out from the army aviation assets that I worked with peaked my interest in the branch. But that’s where it stopped, for years it simply sat in the back of my mind, what if. I finished college and had a lot of opportunities in front of me, but I kept turning them down one after another, nothing felt right.

 I finally said to myself I should keep being a medic and if I’m going to be a medic then I should be the best I can be, I’m going to become a flight paramedic. And so that’s what happened I studied and worked and finally got my dream job. But life is not perfect and bad things happen. One late rainy foggy night in September the unthinkable happened and a helicopter carrying two of my friends and two patients crashed, killing three out of the four onboard. I had no idea how this could happen but I had to understand it, I had to coup with it. So I found comfort in the old adage when you fall off a horse the only thing left to do is get up and get back on.

 So I found a helicopter flight school, I called one after another asking, do you have any past army aviators as instructors, only one said they did. So that’s the one I choose, I knew from Afghanistan the best pilots in the world are army aviators and if I was going to come to terms and understand my friends death I needed to know I would be flying with an instructor I can trust. This is when I meet Dave, a short man, a quite professional, a retired apache pilot. At first I never asked him about his time in the military I figured like me he’d been on deployments and probably didn’t want to talk about it. But as the hours towards my private pilot’s license clicked away we became friends. We talked to each other. The challenges of overcoming deployments, the transition to civilian life, and most importantly what being a warrant officer was like. He talked about being the subject matter expert, the man the command counts on to get the job done. The one who holds the institutional knowledge of the organization and is responsible for passing that down to the junior generation. The warrant officer corps is not one that requires the tough hard line that a Coronal may need to lead their troops, but it’s one who can lead by example and can provide that layer of knowledge on how to complete the task, and the why it needs to be done.

While I have overcome the death of my friends and learned to absolutely love flying, it’s not that which drives me to apply for the WOFT program, it’s the stories of my instructor, the memories of the warrant officers I meet flying in Afghanistan, and the retired Army warrants I work with now as a flight medic; it’s the drive to return to something bigger than myself and far more meaningful than a fancy car or big house. It’s the drive to lead soldiers and to complete the toughest of missions, to be the one my commanders count on. This is what drives me to be a U.S. Army Warrant Officer.

 

So first, there are a ton of grammatical errors. I get it, it's your first draft, but Warrant Officers are technical experts that pride themselves on attention to detail. A huge issue for me is how neither Army, Aviators, nor Warrant Officers are capitalized in your essay. Also, what in the hell is a Coronal?? Did you mean Colonel? The devil is in the details.

 

Honestly I think alot of this can be boiled down to the nitty gritty of why you want to become an Aviation Warrant Officer. Get rid of the fluff, highlight your achievements as a flight medic. Board members have only a few minutes to go over your packet. Get to the point.

 

Sorry to be harsh but I think it will help you in the long run. Good luck.



#3 Gideon

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Posted 09 July 2019 - 10:20

I agree with all stated in the previous comment.

Just a reminder, all my advice is based off my interpretation of what the essay is about. It's worth what ya pay for it.

Also would like to reiterate to focus on the meat and potatoes, why you want to be an Army Aviator. The fluff and the heart throb of lost friends is touching, but you have to think of this as an interview. Why should I hire you to be a pilot? What do you bring to the table that Joe/Jane Shmoe doesn't? Not all of the members of the board are pilots either, so you need to be able to quantify what reasons you should be chosen to them as well. But always remember your entire packet has about 3-5 minutes in front of the board. Make it count.

If you would like I can PM you my essay and break down how I divided it up.

So been a little making breakfast and typing this up but what I took away from your essay is, 1. You never really thought about being a pilot. 2. You liked Army Aviation when deployed. 3. You ended up being a flight medic and had friends pass. 4. You met a retired Apache guy who made you think of being a Warrant. Those are the current main points I saw in your essay.



#4 z0na

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Posted 09 July 2019 - 17:41

You should see this essay as a call to action. Your introduction paragraph is far from that in my opinion and doesnt set the appropriate tone, given that this is a selection board for a prestigious job in the military. This is a very competitive board. The board members see over 200 packets and majority of the board are not Army Aviators. They are Warrant Officers of other specialties and they are evaluating your potential as a future Warrant Officer. I kept my essay to three paragraphs. I quantified all of my achievements as to why I KNOW that I have the competence to become an Army Aviator. I wouldnt tell a personal story. Id be straight to the point about credentials and achievements. Make the board feel as though it is in the Armys best interest to select you for this position.

There are plenty of spelling and grammar errors that you need to address. Before you posted on this forum, you should have done that. As Richie said, Warrant Officers pride themselves on attention to detail.



The warrant officer corps is not one that requires the tough hard line that a Coronal may need to lead their troops, but its one who can lead by example and can provide that layer of knowledge on how to complete the task, and the why it needs to be done.


These lines that I have copied and pasted out of your essay absolutely irk me. Why are you trying to downplay how hard the Warrant Officer Corps works? What the hell is a Coronal? I doubt the selection board knows what a Coronal is either. Look at your essay from the eyes of your target audience. Warrant Officer Corps should be capitalized as well.

I would completely restructure your essay and avoid the personal story. I am absolutely lost and do not understand the point youre attempting to convey. Gideon did a solid job summarizing the main points portrayed in your essay.

Keep in mind that you are trying to convince a panel of nine board members that the Army should invest four million dollars to push you through the 153A pipeline.

I know I am being harsh, but these are all helpful tips to increase your chance of being selected. Richie was selected first look and I was selected first look as well. Take these tips and utilize them. As stated previously, board members have a couple of minutes to look at your packet. Be straight to the point while utilizing active voice. Good luck.

#5 tris1

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Posted 09 July 2019 - 19:23

Than you everyone for your replies. I read a bunch of theses essays on here and a lot of it seemed very cookie cutter. Very much like I was a boy scot or CAP and I have wanted this my whole life please pick me. And maybe that's exactly what they want. My whole goal in telling a story was to trying to stand out and be different. I know in college essays it's all about the story and standing out from people. but maybe that's the wrong approach. Any idea on how to stand out in the crowd and be different? this is what I have just not sure its different enough,

 

USN 2009-2015, Multiple deployments

Bachelors degree in international relations from UPENN 3.4 GPA

Private pilots license 65 hours working towards my IFR rating 

Currently working as a flight paramedic

All my ASVAB stuff is in order scores were competitive based on what i've seen here. PT scores look good

Medical should be good no medical issues or eye site issues

still need to take the SIFT

 

LOR are lacking a little, so far I have a congressman I interned for, a CWO2 army aviation, soon a CWO4 . But i'm still looking for a heavy hitter flag officer or CWO 5.

 

This was a first draft so I want to make changes. Definitely wasn't worried about spelling or grammar just wanted to see if I was on the right track so looks like I have some work to do.



#6 tris1

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Posted 09 July 2019 - 19:28

Definitely not trying to downplay what Warrants do, actually was trying to show that I know how different an officer is from a Warrant and how they accomplish a different mission, use different leadership styles. It's certainly not a nock on them. I definitely want to restructure this, you guys made it first pass and that's clearly my goal, I told the story and intertwined my qualifications and experience to try and stand out from the cookie cutter essay is all. Any advice on how to stand out or is just direct to the point or like "cookie cutter" better.

 

 

You should see this essay as a call to action. Your introduction paragraph is far from that in my opinion and doesnt set the appropriate tone, given that this is a selection board for a prestigious job in the military. This is a very competitive board. The board members see over 200 packets and majority of the board are not Army Aviators. They are Warrant Officers of other specialties and they are evaluating your potential as a future Warrant Officer. I kept my essay to three paragraphs. I quantified all of my achievements as to why I KNOW that I have the competence to become an Army Aviator. I wouldnt tell a personal story. Id be straight to the point about credentials and achievements. Make the board feel as though it is in the Armys best interest to select you for this position.

There are plenty of spelling and grammar errors that you need to address. Before you posted on this forum, you should have done that. As Richie said, Warrant Officers pride themselves on attention to detail.



The warrant officer corps is not one that requires the tough hard line that a Coronal may need to lead their troops, but its one who can lead by example and can provide that layer of knowledge on how to complete the task, and the why it needs to be done.


These lines that I have copied and pasted out of your essay absolutely irk me. Why are you trying to downplay how hard the Warrant Officer Corps works? What the hell is a Coronal? I doubt the selection board knows what a Coronal is either. Look at your essay from the eyes of your target audience. Warrant Officer Corps should be capitalized as well.

I would completely restructure your essay and avoid the personal story. I am absolutely lost and do not understand the point youre attempting to convey. Gideon did a solid job summarizing the main points portrayed in your essay.

Keep in mind that you are trying to convince a panel of nine board members that the Army should invest four million dollars to push you through the 153A pipeline.

I know I am being harsh, but these are all helpful tips to increase your chance of being selected. Richie was selected first look and I was selected first look as well. Take these tips and utilize them. As stated previously, board members have a couple of minutes to look at your packet. Be straight to the point while utilizing active voice. Good luck.



#7 tris1

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Posted 09 July 2019 - 19:32

would definitely love to see your essay would really appreciate a pm thanks !!

 

 

I agree with all stated in the previous comment.

Just a reminder, all my advice is based off my interpretation of what the essay os about. It's worth what ya pay for it.

Also would like to reiterate to focus on the meat and potatoes, why you want to be an Army Aviator. The fluff and the heart throb of lost friends is touching, but you have to think of this as an interview. Why should I hire you to be a pilot? What do you bring to the table that Joe/Jane Shmoe doesn't? Not all of the members of the board are pilots either, so you need to be able to quantify what reasons you should be chosen to them as well. But always remember your entire packet has about 3-5 minutes in front of the board. Make it count.

If you would like I can PM you my essay and break down how I divided it up.

So been a little making breakfast and typing this up but what I took away from your essay is, 1. You never really thought about being a pilot. 2. You liked Army Aviation when deployed. 3. You ended up being a flight medic and had friends pass. 4. You met a retired Apache guy who made you think of being a Warrant. Those are the current main points I saw in your essay.







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