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Showing content with the highest reputation on 05/30/2020 in all areas

  1. Hey, I just ran across your essay. I'm not a Warrant or a military pilot- just another hopeful- but I've had to evaluate essays and summary sheets for people applying to positions within the military before. Yours could likely use some refinement. DISCLAIMER: I'm just another 153A applicant, and speaking only from my experience reviewing other packages for other things within the military. Your first paragraph is more "I want a cool job, and this is how being a WO will make me happy". I'd probably nuke it and start over. You want to show that you're passionate, but not just about the fun part. What about the mission? (Side note- be familiar with the Army Aviation mission and what it means to a soldier on the ground) Sure, being an aviator will satisfy YOUR purpose, but will it do anything for the Army? Focus more on the professionalism aspect rather than the "surrounded by various gauges" part. That wording in particular makes it sound like you have only the foggiest idea what's involved in flying- only that it sounds cooler than what you're doing now. You second paragraph is better- but it doesn't set you apart. Lots of applicants have a degree- what was your GPA? What makes it stand apart from other applicants? It's good that you have it, but if I were reading this to hire you it doesn't stand out. Why did you get a degree? You want to show that you've made good choices in the past, even if they aren't part of your current path. Your college credits and work ethic are good- but you're saying that the only thing as hard as what you've done is being an Army Aviator. It doesn't read well as a career military member, most of whom have probably done a few things that are difficult. You talk about being able to lead, but you provide no examples. Did you play sports, do you supervise or manage people, do you do any volunteer work that shows you're a team player? Include it! You again finish by saying you'd like to be an Army Aviator, but nothing about a desire to contribute to that community. The first sentence of your third paragraph doesn't quite make sense. You're hitting a ton of buzzwords, but you're not connecting them to you. Anyone can type those things- you need to tell the board how you show those things. What challenges do you welcome with open arms? How have you shown your perseverance? What accomplishments have proven your success? You also flip flop between tones- "I know that I would not only be an excellent pilot, but a leader who takes initiative, and has both ambition and integrity." -bold, probably a little to bold. "I hope that you see the potential and the skill set that I can bring" -weirdly passive, doesn't read as being confident. "and help me further my success in fulfilling my true purpose by becoming an Army Aviator." -Again, you're making it all about you rather than about being of service. I'd nuke the last sentence as well, but that's just me. There are other ways to carry a polite and respectful tone. From your stats that you posted, you're a non-prior service civilian applicant. You need to work on reinforcing that you're seeking to servel Not only to embody the values of an Army Aviator, but also as a Soldier. Sometimes, less is more. You want what you write to be impactful rather than verbose and flowery. That doesn't mean dumb it down, but don't try and fluff it up with buzzwords. Anyone who does military hiring can read right through that and at the very least, it's annoying. Good luck, and hopefully someone who knows more specifics about 153A essays can chime in.
    2 points
  2. This is the reason that posting your essay on this website is beneficial. Real feedback, instead of your boss saying, “yeah man sounds good.” However, I believe there is a forum specifically for an essay review, but I could be mistaken.
    1 point
  3. The only quantifiable stuff in your essay is that you have a bachelors degree with one heavy semester and got a job at 17 years old. That's something you have in common with about 1/3 of the US population. You need to actually tell the board what makes you better than other people, not that you've done the same thing as the rest of the applicants but really want a cool job.
    1 point
  4. It means that is May is out, March should be out. I was a no go
    1 point
  5. He posted in the May thread that he was a NS.
    1 point
  6. If you're a street to seat kid, I can look up your name as well.
    1 point
  7. 10-15 business days?! Are they mailing my results from Amazon? I should’ve told them I have Prime
    1 point
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