Lots of work needed for this essay. I'm not a part of that warrant officer selection board and I can't guarantee what they look for but I was selected on my first look on a 48% acceptance board so I'll give you my opinions on your essay. If this seems mean, I don't intend it to be. I want you to put your best foot forward and be selected. First of all, something that really turned me off your entire essay reading once through is why you want to join the army. " I have been given V.A. educational benefits to attend college. Because of those benefits, I believe it is my duty to give back to my community..." That's the weakest drive I have ever heard. You want to serve the army because they paid your bills. If another country decided to pay your bills would you be loyal to them instead of us? I would structure your essay like this: Find a good drive and then put it as an attention grabber in the beginning of your essay. On the second paragraph I would speak of leadership based on how you wrote your essay. You already talked about how you would lead but do you have any track record of leading? In my essay I talked about philanthropy, fundraisers, and community service events I was led, created and some that I was involved in. Third I would talk about your education. They paid for your school so you majored in something. How did what you learn help the U.S. Army. Are there any skills you have learned that will make it an easier transition? Fourth, I would maybe talk about what your father did and how it solidifies your drive. I do know they like it when there is family history when serving. Here's my essay if you need any advice but don't plagiarize it. Also the philanthropy, fundraising and community service events are explained in detail on my resume. Essay: Through my experiences, I can safely say that America is the greatest country on earth. I came from ------, a country with high levels of corruption and poverty. It was common to see politicians embezzle funds from the taxes of citizens and get away with crimes. Once I left the ------- and became a naturalized American citizen, I grown to learn that this country and its values are worth defending. Given the turmoil around the world and the increasing threats to our democracy, I realized that I have a duty to serve America and the best way I know how to do this is to become a Warrant Officer. I have always had a passion for doing what was right. While I was in college I took the opportunity to create and lead committees on fundraising, philanthropy and community service events. Becoming a Warrant Officer would expand on my passion by taking it to a much larger scale. Instead of improving a small group, I would be leading a group of the bravest Americans into a mission to protect and bolster American values. I graduated from the ------ with a ---- GPA. Upon graduation I had received several job offers and currently work as a ----- at ------. Although I could continue going the civilian route, I understand that it is time to pursue my passion and do something bigger than myself. I know that the skills I have learned, experiences I have gone through, my commitment to service and my drive will position me to be a great Warrant Officer. Because my grandfather served as a (branch and rank) and a (job) in World War II, I understand that sacrifices have to be made in order to protect our values. I am willing to make those sacrifices in order to lead the brave men and women of the United States Army. --- And lastly make a resume. You graduated with a major in physics. you say you don't have much experience, so instead of including work experience explode your resume with classes you have taken and what you did in them. PHYS 1530 Thermodynamics and Statistical Mechanics PHYS 2020 Mathematical Methods of Engineers and Physicists PHYS 2470 Advanced Statistical Mechanics Take any of these and similar to these? Huge plus, you already stand out!