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S*** My Instructor Pilot Says


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S*** my IP says: (Feel free to add-on)

 

You don't get that the rotor in this aircraft will drop like a sack of turds.

 

Get out and pump the gas, Fuel Poota!

 

Pulling collective at the end of an auto is like blowin' your load, once its gone you ain't getting it back.

 

I hate f-in' scooters! (what he calls TH67's)

 

...I ain't scared of f-ing trees!

 

We better get outta here before someone writes down my buzz number.

 

I will kick you in the nuts everyday until you remember to confirm the suitability of the landing area

 

If I see you touch the go around button I will break your f-ing finger

 

Run on?!?! Quiet little girl, skids are for kids

 

What the f- is this abortion of a flight plan?

 

...That landing sucked a fat baby's wiener

 

Are you going to land this thing or j*** off the collective all day?

 

You boys like tacos?

 

I teach monkeys like you how to fly

 

That collective jumped up like a wedding night hard on

 

You get this EP wrong and I will come across this table and kick your a**

 

...F- this up and I will crush your nuts

 

When you go to deccel you better grab a nut sack full of cyclic

 

Pull your foreskin down so you can hear me

 

Nobody's here, that means I can do whatever the f- I want

 

You see this, you better never give me anything that looks like this placenta

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It's my pig, I'll f- it however I want.

 

Friday and Saturday is yours, but Sunday...Sunday belongs to God and me.

 

You know you can use the center line, I give you permission.

 

...Your a** is mine. Just kidding. But seriously...

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-I am going to sharpen this pencil and stab you in the neck if you do that again.

 

-When's the operation scheduled?

What operation?

The bellybutton-ectomy

Excuse me?

You know...when they cut out your belly button, and put a little window in, so you can see what's going on, for when your head is up your ass, like right now.

 

Another (From the Vietnam Cobra/Huey pilot IP)

-"I'd rather have 'homo' on my 4186 than 'UH-60' on my 759"

 

 

In retrospect, I wish I had written them down as they occurred. I'll continue to add as I remember them.

Edited by CharyouTree
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One of my favorite lines while trying to develop a smoother control input by students:

 

"A helicopter is like an ex-wife: it only takes half."

 

Another: "My g*d son, you would f*ck up a free lunch program!"

 

Or how about: "You had better sh*t me ONE good approach!"

 

When a student is doing particularly well: "What do you think you are doing?" That one always ensures that they will be so distressed that they cannot perform worth a darn.

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Not military, but I heard it from my instructor, who is ex-mil: "If you don't keep this s**t in trim, I will take this removable collective and beat you to death with it."

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  • 2 weeks later...

Try to kill me again and I will have legal standing to beat your ass until you stop moving.

 

Oh look, a shithawk flying a Blackhawk.

 

Remember when I said you can't scare me? I'm man enough to admit that I was completely f*cking wrong.

 

You need to stop beating yourself up, you're only half as retarded as your peers.

 

Yo, jackoff... you are lucky that I am a peace-loving monk.

 

You fly like old people f*ucking.

 

If I wanted to watch abortions all day, I'd have gone med school.

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