Real Helicopter Pilot

[pieInTheSky]

I spotted this whilst just doing a daily generic helicopter search and it made me chuckle so I figured I would share it with those who haven't seen it before;

 

Copied from:

http://flyinghelicoptersinalaska.blogspot.hk/2011/12/whats-it-like-to-be-real-helicopter.html

 

 

What's it like to be a "Real" Helicopter Pilot

 

 

 

 

-GRAND CANYON TOUR: GET UP AT 430AM, DRIVE 90 MILES TO THE DITCH, HAVE 5TH CUP OF COFFEE, PREFLIGHT, PEE, GET IN START UP, LOAD UP THE MIDWESTERN BEEFEATERS, FLY FOR 30 MINUTES, FLY FOR 30 MINUTES, FLY FOR 30 MINUTES, FLY FOR AN HOUR, FLY FOR 30 MINUTES, FLY FOR AN HOUR, CAN I HAVE A BREAK? NO - OK, FLY FOR 30 MINUTES, FLY FOR 30 MINUTES, FLY FOR 30 MINUTES, FLY FOR 30 MINUTES, FLY FOR 30 MINUTES, FLY FOR 30 MINUTES, FLY FOR AN HOUR, GET OUT, TIE DOWN, PEE, DRIVE 90 MILES HOME, EAT, SLEEP, REPEAT.

 

-HAWAII TOUR: SEE ABOVE BUT GET TO WEAR FUNKY HAWAII SHIRT AND SHORTS.

 

-OFFSHORE OIL: SEE ABOVE BUT THE TOURISTS SMELL BAD AND THE RIVER IS A LOT BIGGER.

 

-TUNA BOAT: SEE ABOVE BUT YOU GET TO CHANT WHERE DA FISH, WHERE DA FISH.

 

-POWERLINE PATROL: SEE ABOVE BUT YOU GET TO SAY TOWER ONE, TOWER TWO, TOWER THREE, TOWER FOUR, TOWER FIVE.......TOWER 496, TOWER 497 ETC.

 

-PIPELINE PATROL: SEE ABOVE BUT YOU GET TO SAY, YUP ITS A PIPELINE, YUP ITS A PIPELINE, YUP ITS A PIPELINE, YUP ITS A PIPELINE, YUP ITS A PIPELINE, YUP ITS A PIPELINE,.......SH!T THERES A WIRE! OK, YUP ITS A PIPELINE, YUP ITS A PIPELINE, YUP ITS A PIPELINE, YUP ITS A PIPELINE, YUP ITS A PIPELINE.

 

-EMS: GET TO WORK, HAVE 7TH CUP OF COFFEE, PREFLIGHT, PEE, NEWS AT 6, EAT, SLEEP, EAT, SLEEP, EAT, SLEEP, EAT, SLEEP, BEEP BEEP BEEP, MOTORCYCLE VRS A BIG RIG, FLY 20 MINUTES, LOAD PATIENT, YUUUUUUUKO THAT LOOKS LIKE IT HURTS! FLY 20 MINUTES, OFFLOAD, DEBRIEF, EAT, SLEEP, EAT, SLEEP, EAT, SLEEP. GO HOME.

 

-LOGGING: GET UP AT 5, HAVE 3RD CUP OF COFFEE, PREFLIGHT, COMIN UP, LOG, LOG, LOG, LOG, LOG, LOG, LOG, LOG, LOG, LOG, LOG, LOG, LOG, LOG, LOG, LOG, LOG, WIPE UP CP'S PUKE, LOG, LOG, LOG, LOG, LOG, LOG, ECT SHUT DOWN, GO HOME. DRINK MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF BEER WITH HOOKERS.

 

-FIRE: GET UP AT 4AM, DRIVE AN HOUR, HAVE 9TH CUP OF COFFEE, MISSION PLAN, YOU WANT TO DO WHAT? PUT ON BUCKET, GO TO FIRE, OH BIG FIRE! UP DOWN TURN AROUND FETCH A PAIL OF WATER. REPEAT 160 TIMES. SHUT DOWN WAIT UNTIL 14 HOURS IS OVER. OUT OF DUTY TIME FIND TENT EAT AT BASE CAMP, VISIT LITTLE BLUE ROOM, SLEEP, UP AGAIN AT 5AM. REPEAT

 

-CFI: GET IN AT 9AM, HAVE 10 CUPS OF COFFEE THREE CIGS AND WAIT FOR NO SHOWS, NON ENGLISH SPEAKING STUDENT SHOWS UP, PREFLIGHT, FLIGHT, SCREAM I HAVE THE CONTROLS, REPEAT 20 TIMES, AFTER HOUR FLIGHT CLEAN SHORTS, REPEAT 5 TIMES, GO HOME KNOWING YOUR THE PILOT GOD THAT SAVED THE R22 FROM THE CLUTCHES OF THE STUDENT PILOT, GET ON PC AND TYPE RESUME, YUP GETTING THERE, 252.4 HOURS, LOOK FOR WAY TO GET TURBINE JOB WITH OUT FLIGHT TIME, GO TO SLEEP THINKING HOW GREAT IT WOULD BE TO BE WORKING AS A "REAL" PILOT!

[RagMan]

Hahaha! That is great. Had a kick out of it! Sharing it around!

[eagle5]

Well, at least the CFI gets to sleep in!

[Flying Pig]

"GET ON PC AND TYPE RESUME, YUP GETTING THERE, 252.4 HOURS, LOOK FOR WAY TO GET TURBINE JOB WITH OUT FLIGHT TIME, "

 

[Yamer]

Anyone got one for military?

[aeroscout]

HENG ?

[nightsta1ker]

I have to drive an hour to get to the airport so my 9 am show means I get up at 6 30 am... At least if I want a shower and a cup of coffee before I leave...

[SBuzzkill]

Anyone got one for military?

 

ARMY: GET UP 5AM, PT, sh*t SHOWER SHAVE, DRINK COFFEE, FORMATION, FILL OUT PAPERWORK TO TURN IN ROCKET POD, TALK TO ARMAMENT, FILL OUT NEW PAPERWORK FOR ROCKET POD, FIND OLD PAPERWORK, RIDE IN HUMVEE, TURN POD IN FILL OUT MORE PAPERWORK, FRIDGE RUN TO WALMART, MORE COFFEE, GET OUT BOOKS AND STUDY, LUNCH TIME, PILOT MEETING TO DISCUSS UPCOMING RANGE, RESTACK TUFF BOXES IN TRICONS, PUSH AIRCRAFT OUT, PUSH AIRCRAFT IN, COFFEE, WATCH S6 LOAD COMMO, SPIN AROUND IN OFFICE CHAIR, FIND COMPUTER TO DO ONLINE TRAINING, WORK ON POWERPOINT SLIDES, GO TO ORDERLY ROOM FOR TROOP HUDDLE, GO HOME.

Edited August 26, 2012 by SBuzzkill

[palmfish]

ARMY: GET UP 5AM, PT, sh*t SHOWER SHAVE, DRINK COFFEE, FORMATION, FILL OUT PAPERWORK TO TURN IN ROCKET POD, TALK TO ARMAMENT, FILL OUT NEW PAPERWORK FOR ROCKET POD, FIND OLD PAPERWORK, RIDE IN HUMVEE, TURN POD IN FILL OUT MORE PAPERWORK, FRIDGE RUN TO WALMART, MORE COFFEE, GET OUT BOOKS AND STUDY, LUNCH TIME, PILOT MEETING TO DISCUSS UPCOMING RANGE, RESTACK TUFF BOXES IN TRICONS, PUSH AIRCRAFT OUT, PUSH AIRCRAFT IN, COFFEE, WATCH S6 LOAD COMMO, SPIN AROUND IN OFFICE CHAIR, FIND COMPUTER TO DO ONLINE TRAINING, WORK ON POWERPOINT SLIDES, GO TO ORDERLY ROOM FOR TROOP HUDDLE, GO HOME.

 

Brilliant!

 

You didn't mention the 2 Risk Assessments you needed to complete before driving your car/motorcycle to/from post and of course, donning your reflective vest and/or belt anytime you are outdoors.

[nightsta1ker]

You got to shave after PT? Man... if I showed up to PT formation ushaven I was TOAST!

[SBuzzkill]

It's nice to be a warrant officer.

[nightsta1ker]

Best gig in the Army.

[Yamer]

Haha hilarious

[palmfish]

Best gig in the Army.

 

Oh, I don't know. I liked being a WO, but I had some really good times as an RLO too. Of course, I was younger, dumber, and single back then too...

[nightsta1ker]

You can't beat the pay/work ratio. And the rank is just enough to get out of most of the crap details but not enough to really have any serious responsibilities. I envied you guys when I was still in. Got so close I could almost taste it too. Now I am watching all my old friends get selected and head off to flight school.

[lelebebbel]

-MUSTERING PILOT, NORTHERN AUSTRALIA: GET UP AT 4:30AM, STEAK AND INSTANT COFFEE FOR BREAKFAST, CHECK OIL AND FUEL ON 25 YEAR OLD R22, TURN ENGINE ON, 5:45 FIRST LIGHT, TAKE OFF, WHERE ARE THE COWS? THERE THEY ARE, MOVE YOU STUPID COWS, 9AM, LOW FUEL, LAND AT FUEL DRUM, PUMP FUEL AND PISS, COWS COWS COWS, 12 O'CLOCK LAND, FUEL, PISS, STEAK SANDWICH LUNCH WHILE FLYING, COWS, COWS, DINGO! SHOTGUN, BANG, COWS COWS, 3PM, LAND, FUEL, COWS, COWS, GETTING DARK BUT MUST GET COWS THROUGH THE GATE OR THEY ALL RUN BACK, PHEW, 6PM LAST LIGHT, LAND AT HOMESTEAD, FUEL, TURN ENGINE OFF, SORRY SHOWER IS BROKEN HERES A BUCKET, STEAK FOR DINNER, BEER, SLEEP.

Edited September 6, 2012 by lelebebbel