Another WOFT Essay Review

[Phrog]

Good Afternoon Everyone

I've been lurking for a long time and am finally in the process of putting my package together. I'm sure by the subject you know what this one is about but like most people writing about myself is hard enough let alone trying to sell myself and convince the board I'm worth the time in a few quick paragraphs . As a quick background for myself... 

·         30 years old, 31 in August

·         Prior Service 5 years USMC EAS’d Jan 2012 DD-214 has E-4 however promoted to E-5 while on IRR

·         CH-46E Crew Chief

·         Just shy of 1000 flight hours Active Duty

·         Just shy of 400 hundred hours of goggle time

·         CH-46E NRCM DynCorp international DOSAW contract Afghanistan

·         Couple hundred hours there… Unfortunately unverifiable. Hours logged in AWIS however Dyn lost the contract to AAR before I could get the records

·         Airframe and Powerplant Mechanic

·         Bachelors degree in Management

·         Currently employed as the Service Manager for an Industrial and Construction Equipment dealership overseeing 8 field mechanics, 2 shop mechanics, 2 dispatchers and 1 transportation driver

Please don't hold back on your critiques, any and all are welcome. This is my first draft and with the Virus putting a hold on things and me just beginning the process I will have plenty of time to fine tune this over the next few weeks and months.

 

Why I want to be an Army Aviator

 

                The military and aviation run in my blood. Growing up the son of a Marine Warrant Officer I was fortunate to see what it takes day in and day out to be a leader, the effort required to be a technical and tactical expert in your field, and the sacrifices necessary to be ready to answer our Nation’s call in an instant. I knew whole heartedly that one day it would be me, ready to answer that call. When the opportunity presented itself, I jumped at it. Through 5 years of active service in the USMC I was blessed to serve my Nation and do my part as a Crew Chief in a CH-46E. Almost a thousand hours later, multiple qualifications, hundreds of NVG hours and combat hours my military service came to an end. For me this was a new beginning, for the first time in my life I stepped away from the military and here I stand, almost 8 years later with a burning passion to continue my service and accomplish my life long goal of being at the controls of a military aircraft supporting the warfighter on the ground.

                My experience both as a Non-Rated Crew Member and Airframe and Powerplant mechanic have served me well and directly informed my decision to pursue Army aviation. While working as a civilian contractor for the State Department in Afghanistan I had my first real exposure to Army aviators and the absolute professionalism and airmanship that I witnessed inspired me to be a better Crew Chief and maintainer. Coupling that example set forth by those prior Army aviators I flew with and my own experiences, professionally and personally, inspired me to work towards earning the right to call myself one of them.

Serving as a Warrant Officer in the United States Army will help me continue to grow the skills I have developed as a leader and technical expert in the Aviation field. My military and civilian experience as a Crew Chief, NCO, Airframe and Powerplant Mechanic and a Manager will uniquely position me to thrive and serve honorably as a Soldier and Aviator. Life is without its setbacks but my perseverance and dedication to the mission have guided me to this point and I have no doubt they will continue to guide me as I work towards being the best possible Soldier, Warrant Officer and Aviator I can be.

 

[XIIGage]

I like it. It seems to hit all the points while keeping it short. You draw upon your previous experience and say how it will benefit the Army and are selling yourself, which is exactly what you should do in this essay. 

[Phrog]

Thank you very much... I sincerely appreciate the feedback.