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Hello everyone,

This is going to be my second year trying to submit my warrant packet and I was trying to see if anyone could give me on some pointers on my personal resume. It definitely be appreciate it and thank you so much for even reading this post. At the moment I am working on my AFS Wavier now since I just hit past my 8 year mark.

 

I want to be an Army Aviator for many of the same reasons as other applicants - to continue to serve my country as a leader, have a positive impact on my peers and the country as a whole, motivate fellow officers I come in contact with, and fulfill my love for aviation. Through my education and military experience, I am confident that I can effectively coach, mentor, and lead my seniors, peers, and subordinates. I believe my demonstrated leadership ability throughout my military experience in achieving and helping my peers and subordinates achieve success through my training and guidance sets me apart. My skills in gunnery and artillery and the other mentioned skills I gained make me an able leader who can guide others under ambiguous climates and encourage them to be better problem solvers and better employ their creativity. 

To call oneself an Army Aviator is a great honor and responsibility. I feel ready to be part of this unmatched legacy. I look forward to being a part of the best in the field and continue learning from the Warrant Officers who are subject matter experts in their fields. I wish to become a warrant officer and to continue to influence and lead and serve as both a leader and an aviator. What I can bring is a wealth of knowledge of teaching, guiding, and the attention to detail that will bring the success to being not just as an Aviator but the Warrant Officer Corp.

Throughout my time in the Army, I have learned that a good leader must know both when to lead and when to follow. I strongly believe I possess this ability to judge my situation. As an Army Aviator, I will strive to become a technical and tactical expert in order to ensure the success of my mission as well as to mentor others. I accept and vow to fulfill my duties including providing expert advice to commanding officers so that they can use aviation assets most efficiently, aided by my personal experience in the matter of briefing commanders and presenting recommendations. If given the opportunity to become both a Warrant Officer and an Army Aviator, I will be the guide whom officers and enlisted personnel look to for advice and direction.

To summarize, doing things ‘not because they are easy, but because they are hard,’ is the motto of my life. I believe that one does not learn nor does one push oneself out of their comfort if something is easy. As a Warrant Officer, I will work my hardest to continue this trend of success, to grow, and help others succeed. I humbly acknowledge that this is a hard-earned privilege granted only to the best and most determined. I embrace this challenge, and the many others I'll face as a leader in the army.

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So some initial thoughts.

I can change the name on your essay to almost anyone and it would still fit them, I don't see anything besides gunnery and artillery that says who and what you are. Your bio needs to reflect everything that you are as a unique individual. 

You have 8 years in service, you need to sell all your years of experience and the vast amount of knowledge you will bring. Qualitative and quantitative! Give an example with numbers or events where you demonstrated similar attributes of a Warrant. You have it in there many times of your knowledge skills etc you will bring. Tell me about them and how they will make you an outstanding candidate. Army loves to see numbers and I would go right to them to see what you're selling. 

Don't waste your word count with definitions without tying it into something that sells you or benefits you. Its just fluff. I was a first time FQ-NS and second round select. My first bio was short and succinct, my second I used the whole space available but it all had purpose. Like I've said above, use your experience to sell yourself and then loop back if needed to referencing something you think is pertinent. 

Thesaurus, try and get some juicy big words in there. Switch out or rephrase sentences like I wish, I think, I believe etc.

Any college? gpa? Community service? Audie Murphy or anything that similar that can benefit you?

Phone a friend! I'm not great at grammar at all so can't critique you there, but I had roughly 8 or so people I trusted and who knew me well look over my essay, sit down with me and give feedback on what to add subtract etc. Sometimes rewriting whole paragraphs if needed. 

 

Hit me up with a pm of your email and I can send you my bio for referencing, I had 7 years TIS when I was selected.

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The first sentence of every paragraph should punch hard.  When skimming your essay that’s the part they’re going to read.  Definitely avoid saying things like “I’m the same as all the other applicants” like you did in the very first sentence.  

Edit:  I marked up your essay a bit.  I'm not a proofreader so I don't have a red pen and I don't use the correct symbols, so if something doesn't make sense I apologize.  Generally what I did was strike out repetitive stuff and added some power to your essay.  

You used a lot of "wish" words which do not present confidence, so I got rid of them.  It's good to be self-assured without being arrogant.  Honestly even some of the "I will" stuff I added should probably simply say "I bring" or something like it.  Make sense?

Keep in mind these are tips to help you write a powerful essay, and that I'm not writing it for you.  I recommend googling the five paragraph essay and try to follow those guidelines, as well as strengthen up those first sentences.

 

Essay.jpg

With all that said, aren't you looking for help on your resume?

Edited by SBuzzkill
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  • 1 month later...

Hello all,

I am in the same boat, resubmitting after being NS-NC back in June. 

I would love for someone, or several someones, to review my resume and other packet paperwork and give me some feedback.

I am currently deployed and will be submitting in the September Board this year after I get back.

UF3.2 (UPDATED).pdf

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55 minutes ago, DevilDog1775 said:

Street to Seat / High School to Flight School

AGE: 17

ASVAB GT: 110

SIFT: 58

OPAT: Heavy

EDUCATION: High School Diploma, 3.19 GPA

FLIGHT: 76.2 hours, PPL ASEL

BOARD: May 2021

LORS: MG (Aviation), CW5 (Aviation), CW4 (Aviation), CW4 (Aviation), JROTC Instructor/CW4 (Ret. Artillery), Retired Sheriff and State Representative

PHYSICAL: Class 1A Physical, No issues/waivers

OTHER INFO: 122 Volunteer Hours between three separate civic organizations

🤷🏼‍♂️🤷🏼‍♂️🤷🏼‍♂️🤷🏼‍♂️

Why are you posting this everywhere

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