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Why I want to be an Army WOFT Aviator essay critiquing needed. (Please)


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Below is my rough draft of my essay. I would love it if whoever is reading this takes the time out of their day to critique my essay. It is in it's early works but I would like some eyes to help guide me in the right path.

 

Why I want to be an Army WOFT Aviator

 

I want to be an Army Aviator in order to pursue my goal of flying and to give back to the country that has provided me with my freedom and much more.

 

I've wanted to be a US Army soldier since I was a child, and when I saw the inside of a Chinook at the age of 10, I knew I wanted to fly across the world while serving in the world's best army. I took action entering high school, doing everything I could to increase my knowledge of aviation and to develop myself as a person and a leader.

 

 I joined my high school's NJROTC unit and took advantage of every opportunity to lead and aid my community. As John Maxwell put it, "Leadership is influence." I volunteered over 300 hours during my high school career to aid my neighborhood and school. I volunteered for leadership positions wherever possible and eventually became the Command Master Chief of my NJROTC unit. Through this course of action, I was able to successfully lead my unit and motivate all of my cadets to be the best they could be. 

 

My high school experiences and interviews with various aviators shaped me into the man I am today. I am a selfless, hardworking individual who hopes of joining the Army and becoming a pristine soldier and aviator.

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7 hours ago, GM1 said:

Remove WOFT from your title. Just have it say Army Aviator. 

Hey sir, I've since rewritten my essay entirely due to the fact that It wasn't the best I could do. If you have the time I'd love for you to look at it. Also, I was just going based on the USAREC website but I will change it.

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