Dumbest questions you have been asked.

[EAGLE1]

I stole this topic from another forum, but I thought it was entertaining enough to ask here.

 

An example might be..."So how many cylinders does your turbine have?"

[Eric Hunt]

Yobbo points to pitot tube and asks "How many people per minute can you shoot with that gun?"

[pohm1]

There's no such thing as a dumb question, were you both born with the knowledge that the metal tube that looks a gun barrel actually links to the instrument measuring airspeed, or that a turbine engine works in a different way to a piston engine?

 

I suspect that at some time you may have asked a question to find out. The only thing thats dumb is not to ask if there's something you don't know or are not sure of......knowledge is a light load to carry.

[Heloplt]

I have to argue the point that there is no such thing as a dumb question. When the dispatcher calls the hangar on the phone and asks me (they know I'm the pilot) "We need airservice, are you up right now?" That qualifies as a "here's your sign" kind of question. Kids ask the strangest questions while we are out at show & tell demonstrations, but that is to be expected with the younger kids. Some of the older kids are fishing for intel about the capabilities of our equipment. That usually entails wanting to know how much "fred" (the infrared camera) can see at night, or through trees, or inside buildings.

When one of our staff level (non-flying) supervisor's says, "you work an 11.4 hour shift, how come you don't fly 9 or 10 hours a shift?" That also qualifies as a "here's your sign" question.

[cptcoma]

One of our flight instructors put some tape on the pitot tube to check if the student does a thorough preflight check. Apparently he didn't. The student noticed that he has no airspeed indication while they were in climb and asked the instructor if he pulled the circuit breaker of the airspeed indicator!!

This guy was already a private pilot with about 140 hrs.

[EAGLE1]

Let me clarify,

 

I agree there is no dumb question when some one is truly trying to learn something new and broaden their horizons. The example of "are you flying right now"? when they called you on the telephone they know goes to the hangar might fall outside the previous disclaimer. Common sense comes to mind. The intent of this post is not to discourage people from asking questions or even to humiliate anyone. The purpose of this post is to, among peers and professionals, share those moments that you go... you will never believe what someone just asked me. We have all had them and I am sure we have all made one at some time or another. I hope that clarifies things a bit.

[Witch]

While at an airshow, my brother once asked a navy helo pilot if he knew where the foinsapp for the foonplate was located. Without missing a beat, the pilot replies that it's behind the cabendish buckle above the snarp paddle.

 

One of the many times my gut hurt so much from laughing.

 

Later

[joker]

One of our flight instructors put some tape on the pitot tube to check if the student does a thorough preflight check. Apparently he didn't. The student noticed that he has no airspeed indication while they were in climb...

 

Hmmm....sounds like contravention of 91.205, 91.213 and most of all grounds for 91.13 to me! Instructor had better be careful.

 

Joker

[delorean]

Hmmm....sounds like contravention of 91.205, 91.213 and most of all grounds for 91.13 to me! Instructor had better be careful.

 

Joker

 

I know a FAA Inspector that did that to my buddy on his CFI checkride. He put a tiny cap on the B47's pitot tube after the preflight. They lifted, my buddy noticed right away, and started back to the pad. The inspector had him fly the entire checkride without it--because a CFI should know the aircraft well enough to fly w/o an a/s indicator, right?

 

This wasn't your average FAA guy though.......he was a real prank'ster and would mess with you anyway he could. But when it came to business, he was always on the pilot's side.

[Guest pokey]

i used to like the one where your friend calls you at home ( in the days B4 cell phones) ((showing my age am i?)) and asks "where are you?

[joker]

...or when you've lost something and a person ask, "Where did you lose it!"

[Guest pokey]

...or when you've lost something and a person ask, "Where did you lose it!"

 

 

in the last place i LQQ ked ! of korse !

[EAGLE1]

After I find something I have lost, I look in at least 2 more places so I don't have to say I found it in the last place I looked!

[arotrhd]

No such thing as a dumb question. Just dumb people asking questions.

 

Ok, seriously, one of the dumbest questions that can be asked (in flight) is

 

"Hey, you want to see something REALLY NEAT???"

 

Usually associated with the 2 most feared sentences a pilot or passenger can hear; "WATCH THIS." Usually followed up with "OH SHIII..."

 

-WATCH FOR THE WIRES-

[jimbo2181]

No such thing as dumb questions? You guys have obviously never flown in the tourist industry!

 

Example: ME: "off your left you notice some construction for a new bridge that is being built just south of the hoover dam...yada yada yada."

 

Dam comes into view.

 

TOURIST: "Is that the Hoover dam?"

 

I could go on for years but suffice it to say there is such thing as stupid questions.

[Elvis]

The helicopter is a complex piece of equipment and with the misconceptions that the entertainment industry gives the viewing public on regular basis stupid questions are going to happen.

 

But I think it would be in your best interest (and the company you work for) to answer as politely as possible.

 

The person you have just ticked off with your answer might be the person or a “friend” of person that is signing the cheques.

 

On the same note if you were shopping for a product with a few thousand dollars in your pocket and you or your “significant other” asked what the seller classified as a stupid question and responded with a quick stupid answer would you.

 

A…..Laugh it off and make the purchase anyway

 

B…Take your business across the street to another vendor selling the same product for the same price.

[EAGLE1]

No one said anything about a smart retort. Of course letting go with a wise crack is not the smartest thing to do. You give them the correct answer in your best possible imitation of "that was a great question". After you land and your back in the hangar with your fellow pilots with no one around you laugh your hind end off....

[JKS]

Certainly NOT an award winner... We fly over events where there are typically thousands of people attending (swap meets, amusements parks and baseball games for example). I never get tired of acquaintances saying, "Hey we saw you flying over and we were waving at you! Did you see us?" I used to look at them as if to say, "Get real," but my typical response now is, "You know... I THOUGHT that was you!" Sometimes they figure it out, usually they're satisfied they made my day with their greeting! Wow.

[techpilot64]

I haven't been flying very long (180hrs) so I don't haven't heard any dumb (sounding) questions; although I'm sure I've asked some.

 

HOWEVER - I worked for a NASA Education program for 5yrs and heard PLENTY of DUMB questions.

 

My alltime favorite-

 

While doing community outreach at a local Cinco de Mayo street fair, I was overseeing the H-Alpha Solar Telescope we had brought (the explanation of the name gets complicated, suffice to say that it allows you to look directly at the Sun without damaging your eyes) - I was making sure the people didn't hog the scope, and that the telescope stayed tracked on the sun.

 

A middle-aged woman, professing to be an elementary school teacher (yipes!) is talking to me as she waits her turn. After viewing that days sun spots and solar flares, she turns and asks me:

 

Why doesn't NASA send missions to the Sun?

 

Ok, so on it's face that may seem like a dumb question - but the truth is NASA has sent missions to study the sun and it's effects on the Earth - those missions just don't go beyond Venus.

 

But on a crowded sidewalk, trying to keep kids from capsizing the scope, and making sure they can still see the sun, I don't have the time to get into a lengthy explanation, so I reply: "Because the Sun is so hot that anything that gets near it melts"

 

She seems satisfied and turns to leave, then stops and turns around:

 

"WHY DON'T THEY SEND THEM AT NIGHT?"

 

I was speechless!

 

Thankfully a kid at the telescope complained about not being able to see anything, so I was able to excuse myself. Had I not been able to, I'm certain I would have exploded laughing.

 

-kali

[flingwing206]

tech64, maybe it was your leg getting pulled there?

[techpilot64]

Ok, obviously it's possible she was having me on, but if that's true, she should be an actress - she had this look on her face, like expectant, not totally deadpan (as most people do when they're trying) and she hung around for a couple minutes while I busied myself with making sure the scope was tracking.

 

So, if she was joking - congrats, you got me...

 

If not... then that was the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

 

-kali

[Autorotator]

One of our flight instructors put some tape on the pitot tube to check if the student does a thorough preflight check. Apparently he didn't. The student noticed that he has no airspeed indication while they were in climb and asked the instructor if he pulled the circuit breaker of the airspeed indicator!!

This guy was already a private pilot with about 140 hrs.

 

That is hillarious! I'll have to try that one. HAHA

[lockedcj7]

That is hillarious! I'll have to try that one. HAHA

 

yeah, real funny.

 

Last time I looked, it's not legal to take off without an operating airspeed indicator and taping over the pitot tube would make it in-op. Additionally, it sets up a dangerous situation since it would be hard to stay out of the H/V curve when you don't know how fast you are going and, God forbid, that you are forced to autorotate, how are you going to keep track of your airspeed?

 

Deliberately disabling a vital instrument is pretty stupid, regardless of the lesson that it was meant to teach.

 

I had an instuctor once who hid the key under the transmission to see if I was doing a thorough preflight. Since we couldn't start up without it, he couldn't forget that he had done it and yes, I found it.

[Guest pokey]

I remember when i was a student fixed wing pilot, the instructor used to have these little round things that stuck to the instruments ei: airspeed indicator, VOR, altimiter, vertical speed,,,,, She would toss 1 on an instrument & say "ok, partial panel" ! i was thinking "son of a B*****" ! " I did learn that attitude ( of the plane, NOT mine) was the key to landing it safely. ( well mine too). GOOD OLE Steph,, ~~ahhhh~. I have taken off in my plane once, them dam "mud bees" clogged up the airspeed indicator pitot & by time i noticed it?--i was committed to take off,,,,, my FIRST thought was "THANK YOU Steph" ! I flew the pattern by "feel & attitude" & landed safely & blew the dam bugs out, (disconnected the tube on reverse side of pitot) DO NOT ever blow in the pitot tube !!

 

Learning how to do auto roatations in the hellicopter? IF i even glanced at the airspeed my instructer would say "its ALL happening 'out there' "

 

Altho i dont condone taking off w/ indicators that are not functioning, ( especially IF you dont have the option to make them start working again in flight) Sometimes S*** just happens.

 

The reason for this forum is to learn, & hopefully from the mistakes of others that are still with us

[LostHeliBoy]

I remember when i was a student fixed wing pilot, the instructor used to have these little round things that stuck to the instruments ei: airspeed indicator, VOR, altimiter, vertical speed,,,,, She would toss 1 on an instrument & say "ok, partial panel" ! i was thinking "son of a B*****" ! " I did learn that attitude ( of the plane, NOT mine) was the key to landing it safely. ( well mine too). GOOD OLE Steph,, ~~ahhhh~. I have taken off in my plane once, them dam "mud bees" clogged up the airspeed indicator pitot & by time i noticed it?--i was committed to take off,,,,, my FIRST thought was "THANK YOU Steph" ! I flew the pattern by "feel & attitude" & landed safely & blew the dam bugs out, (disconnected the tube on reverse side of pitot) DO NOT ever blow in the pitot tube !!

 

Learning how to do auto roatations in the hellicopter? IF i even glanced at the airspeed my instructer would say "its ALL happening 'out there' "

 

Altho i dont condone taking off w/ indicators that are not functioning, ( especially IF you dont have the option to make them start working again in flight) Sometimes S*** just happens.

The reason for this forum is to learn, & hopefully from the mistakes of others that are still with us

 

 

Just to bring all this back up and its good for a laugh anyway.. any new additions? Being an ex raft guide I have to many to choose from.. My fav.. was

 

"Are we going to end up at the same place we started?"

 

Or

 

"is the water going to be Cold?" (the river was snow and ice a week ago.. )

 

"Is it going to be dark in the tunnel?" Yes no lights in the old mining shaft that is our last rapid..

 

"If the engines on fire how do you know? "

 

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