Recent High School Grad Applying for WOFT - Essay feedback

[ArmyDad]

Hello,

Our 17 year old nephew has decided to forego attending college an instead to apply for WOFT.  I am in the process of reviewing his second draft " Why I want to be an Army Aviator" and found this site . Although both of our daughters served/ are serving, no experience with Army Aviation, WOFT etc. so I figured I would reach out this group. 

Here is some basic information about the nephew -

High School Graduate - Finished with an 89.5 GPA - 4 years of Math, Science, English, 2 years of aerospace engineering.

SAT - Math 690  Grammar 650

ASVAB - 96/99

SIFT - TBD - takes the exam on July 12 

GT Score - 131/140

Outside Activities - Civil Air Patrol - 1 year - Holds the rank of Cadet Technical Sergeant, received Cadet of the Year Award. 

Hasn't had an easy life which has required him to overcome a lot of obstacles. He realizes that being selected is a stretch, and if this doesn't happen, will select an Aviation MOS and enlist and try again. 

Here is the essay, feedback appreciated. 

Why I want to be an Army Warrant Officer Aviator

My desire to become an Army Warrant Officer Aviator a devotion to our country, interest in aviation, mechanics, and aspiration to accelerate my life experiences as an aviator, leader and technical expert in the U.S. Army. Specifically, I have identified 4 areas that will enable me to support the Army Aviation mission.

1.     Aviation Technical Expert - I developed a passion for aviation in the 10^th grade, and for the remainder of my time in high school I have made a solid effort to advance my knowledge by taking Aerospace Engineering classes and I joined Civil Air Patrol. I have started the process of preparing to take FAA Ground school exam which will expand my knowledge and provide a fundamental understanding and ability to function as an Army Aviation technical resource. My goal would be to maintain a high level of humility and be the guy that others turn to when they have a problem that needs to be solved.

 

2.     Gain real life technical aviation expertise that will benefit the Army - I was fortunate to have been accepted to Purdue University (ranked #5) and 4 other well-known Universities that offer Aerospace Engineering. I have decided to forego college and gain real life experience as an Army Warrant Officer Aviator. Although I just graduated from high school, I believe that the skills I have acquired so far in mathematics and engineering will allow me to bring value to my fellow soldiers in the classroom, on the flight line and in the air. During this past school year, I a member of technical team with the ultimate goal of building a model rocket capable of exceeding 10,000-foot ceiling. There we lots of technical challenges along with team members who lacked the motivation to solve the challenges. I took the initiative to do additional research, led by example and was asked to take over as leader of the team which resulted completing the build on time and a successful launch. I believe that I have the ability to bring forth technical expertise that will enhance my unit’s ability to execute any mission which they are asked to perform.

 

3.     Driven to Succeed - I have had several challenges placed upon me as I was growing up, for many it would have negatively impacted their ability to move beyond and willingly develop a “victim” mentality. My tests include losing my mother at 15 months old, father was incarcerated at 15 years old, placed in foster care, move from NH to Texas to live with my aunt and uncle who I barely knew prior to my senior year of high school. Specifically, my high school years could have been a disaster, instead I focused on what I could control. My academic performance improved over the 4 years and achieved a 95 GPA as a senior. When I moved to Texas, for the first time in my life I was encouraged to join an outside organization and chose Civil Air Patrol. Most of my fellow cadets have been members for several years, and I quickly demonstrated my drive, team work and leadership abilities, which led to rapid promotion and being selected Flight Cadet of the Year. I have the confidence and ambition to be selected as a Warrant Officer Aviator Candidate.

 

4.     Develop Leadership Skills - I have seven older cousins (all girls) and two of them decided on military service, both are commissioned Army officers. Their leadership presence, quiet confidence, commitment to service has given them a significant advantage in life well above that of the 5 who chose not to serve. I have had several leadership roles in the workplace and in the classroom, and have received positive feedback from both my peers and leaders.  Leading is a privilege, and I hope that what I will learn as a CWO will help me become an inspirational leader that will motivate my team to exceed expectations. I hope my decision to serve will inspire my brother, younger cousins, other early career peers to look beyond where they are today and make good choices to give back to their country.