Looking for help with my essay

[Cavscout3030]

First, I want to thank everyone of this site for helping to guide me so far through this process. I am an active duty sergeant at ft. Campbell working on my packet, hoping to be ready for the November board. So far I have taken the sift and gotten a 61. My pt score is 285 and Im waiting to get my letters of recommendation back from my command team now. Im working on doing as much as I can now, I would appreciate it if you gentlemen would take a look at my essay and give me some advice.

 

 

Why I want to be an Aviator

 

I grew up watching my father deploy multiple times to Iraqi as a C-130 pilot in the Air Force. This taught me the importance of sacrifice and selfless service to our nation. As soon as I was old enough, I enlisted in the Army. Over my last 6 years in the military, I have demonstrated my strong leadership ability, attention to detail and commitment to serving my nation.

As a leader, I strive to better those around me. I was selected above my peers to serve as my platoons Master Fitness Trainer. I planned and executed my platoons physical training regimen, resulting in my platoon averaging a 264 pt score. My commander also selected me over 12 of my peers to serve as my troops Master Driver, in this critical role I trained and licensed over 50 soldiers. As a team leader in a scout platoon, I am accountable for over $500,000 worth of equipment and the welfare of soldiers in stressful and highly demanding situations. I have proven my ability to excel in these situations, during my brigades last field training exercise I was awarded an Army Achievement medal for my leadership under pressure and commitment to accomplishing the mission.

I realize that as a warrant officer; the Army expects me to be a leader of soldiers and a technical expert. I have proven that I am capable of this. In conclusion; I am a high performing NCO and have been recognized above my peers. In my last Ncoer my platoon leader rated me number 1 out of 7 team leaders he had previously rated. If given this opportunity, I will bring this same drive, dedication, and commitment to selfless service to the warrant officer corps.