Relationship Advice

[Whistlerpilot]

Since becoming a pilot I've had several relationships that haven't worked out. Flying (long seasons way north) has been a factor. Finally met someone that's definitely a keeper and hoping she can endure my flying lifestyle. On my part I've quit my AK job because I know what summers are like, 13 off per quarter but usually no scheduled or consecutive days off. I've taken a job in BC with 3 weeks on 3 weeks off winter rotation and 20 days on 10 days off summer. Pay is good and interesting flying but still time away from my sweetheart.

 

For those of you who have had success with relationships and flying what has worked, and perhaps what has not.

 

Interested to hear other stories.

 

How do you know the date with a pilot is half over? He/she says well that's enough about me lets talk about flying.

[Fred0311]

I had a serious relationship crumble because I moved from Florida to Utah for flight school. Lasted about two weeks until she cheated because "you chose helicopters over me". Well I guess I have to have my priorities. I know that doesn't help but thought I'd share anyway. Good luck.

[Flying Pig]

Skip the date and just get married! Actually its no different than being in the military, other than the military is usually a lot more abrupt. Gone a lot, hard for people to relate to what you do.

 

The only advice I think I would have if you are looking for something long term is either find a way for her to follow you to every location, or find a way to be around more. If anyone thinks they are going to cultivate a new relationship into anything meaningful by being together every couple of months, just save yourself the heartache and accept that youll be single for a while. There is no magic drink for it. You gotta be there. Im going on 17 years married. Sure, I could go places for extended periods, but it would be for the group benefit, risk vs reward or pro-con lists done and we both agree on the idea. But good luck doing that in a dating relationship where neither party has any real vested interest ie. finances, kids, very long history of trust together. Just not gonna happen.

Edited February 3, 2013 by Flying Pig

[JCM5]

I'm 27, single, no kids.

 

Advice I've gotten from most career pilots so far? "Keep it that way."

[DS_HMMR]

I'm 27, single, no kids.

 

Advice I've gotten from most career pilots so far? "Keep it that way."

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, "There you have it".

 

If youre looking to get into a relationship where you'll ultimately end up giving away half your stuff… just send it to your parents!, they'll appreciate the gesture and perhaps use the windfall to offset the cost of having raised your a_s!

 

[avbug]

I'm 27, single, no kids.

 

Advice I've gotten from most career pilots so far? "Keep it that way."

 

Aircraft are great, but a loving spouse and kids are far better. I would never counsel anyone to avoid marriage in favor of flying.

 

I've had a lot of short-notice changes, have been gone a lot, and frequently have a very unpredictable schedule, especially at certain times of the year. I'm remarried presently, and had to put off my wedding due to a 7-month detour to Saudi Arabia. It's just the way of things. She understands, as do the rest of the family.

 

Don't rush into anything, choose well. My best counsel is incorporate her into your world so she better understands it, but make a solid commitment early in your relationship to make her a priority. Especially for the male counterparts reading this: your ability to make her feel loved is more important than any words you can offer, any gifts you can give, or anything you can do to try to make up for time away. I've spent a lot of time in the field, thousands of nights in hotels, tents, connex containers, and the like. I try hard to always call once or twice each day, and to stay in touch. I've had my family out the field. I've made sure of regular attention. Your partner or spouse should never be made to feel as though she's having to be a choice, competing with your job. If anything, she should always feel that she's the first priority; it will make her a lot more supportive of your activities.

[JCM5]

Aircraft are great, but a loving spouse and kids are far better. I would never counsel anyone to avoid marriage in favor of flying.

 

I've had a lot of short-notice changes, have been gone a lot, and frequently have a very unpredictable schedule, especially at certain times of the year. I'm remarried presently, and had to put off my wedding due to a 7-month detour to Saudi Arabia. It's just the way of things. She understands, as do the rest of the family.

 

Don't rush into anything, choose well. My best counsel is incorporate her into your world so she better understands it, but make a solid commitment early in your relationship to make her a priority. Especially for the male counterparts reading this: your ability to make her feel loved is more important than any words you can offer, any gifts you can give, or anything you can do to try to make up for time away. I've spent a lot of time in the field, thousands of nights in hotels, tents, connex containers, and the like. I try hard to always call once or twice each day, and to stay in touch. I've had my family out the field. I've made sure of regular attention. Your partner or spouse should never be made to feel as though she's having to be a choice, competing with your job. If anything, she should always feel that she's the first priority; it will make her a lot more supportive of your activities.

 

Certainly. My post was a bit tongue in cheek. At my age, wife and kids are not on the agenda, but I know that things change and I always remain open minded. Anyone I get involved with in the future will be well aware of my aspirations and priorities, and the right one will choose to stick around in spite of, or even because of, those things.

[Nolapilot89]

I'm 23 going on 24, and have been a Heli pilot since 18. I've moved from New Orleans, to New Iberia, to Phoenix, to Louisville, to Juneau, and now to Lafayette to keep my career going. Ive had some girlfriends, one for a couple of years. However, I always had to hear "when are you coming home" and eventually they would get tired of hearing " I don't know". I decided that its best to keep single and free for now until I'm ready to settle down and can find someone who "understands" my nomadic lifestyle. I thought I was ready to settle and stay in Louisiana, until I lost my closest friend in the industry, ADridge. It knocked me off of my "I'm invincible" mentality and made me realize every moment could always be my last especially as a professional pilot. That being said, I spend every off hitch traveling somewhere different and doing what I can "while I'm young". Never settle. If you can find a girl who can accept you're career, you'll be fine. But not everyone is meant to be married and have a family. And I'm completely fine with that if that's the way my life goes.

 

That being said, I'm hitting Mt. Baker next off hitch! Freeeedommmmm!! (Insert image of Mel Gibson from brave heart)

[Trans Lift]

I travel all over the country, usually on 30 days on 14 off. I am 27 and have been married for nearly 4 years. We met when I was in flight school in FL. She knew what she was in for and we have moved a couple of times for work. She is an independent, strong girl who has things in her life that she concentrates on like school and work. I get the "when are you coming home" question around the 25 to 30 days but not in a nagging way. I'm well ready for home at that stage anyway. I think when we decide to have kids (not for a while, my motorbike is my baby now) I would want to be home more. I will have to take a pay cut I'm sure but who knows.

Independent women are usually the ones who can stick it out IMO, and someone who loves you more than anything helps too!

[Wally]

 

For those of you who have had success with relationships and flying what has worked, and perhaps what has not.

 

Interested to hear other stories.

 

 

First marriage lasted 17 years in spite of every wretched thing I could do to her. I got over it the last 4 years, she evidently never did. But, she digged on being married to a pilot. Finally came home to an empty house and the marshal at the door a few minutes later. Cleaned out, thrown out, common story. She coldly offered to kill me after the divorce...

 

Five years later, I remarried, this one has lasted 21 years. She hates being married to a pilot, but she knows I love it.

 

My opinion, your partner needs to be committed, independent and honest. Especially if a family is in the cards, the deal and commitment has to be acceptable to both- not just 'understood', but completely acceptable and happy-making. A non-flying partner is putting up with a lot, you are what are, pilot-person, and having you around is a lot like having a cat- Affectionate, reliable, but distant at times. Me, I'm a dog person.

[Azhigher]

You need to find the right person and then make a choice. Do you want to commute, or do you not.

 

I had big plans for my flying career, work my way into medium/heavy twins flying IFR wherever I was needed. Then I took a good hard look at what kind if life that would mean for myself and my wife, and came to the realization I'd rather be around friends and family and home every night rather than flying a heavy through clouds and fog. I'm happy as a clam, making good money, not commuting, life is peachy. Contrary to popular belief, it can be done.

[Whistlerpilot]

I really appreciate hearing from the veterans of this business. Thanks for sharing. I've been married/divorced before I got into flying, single parented two great kids who are grown so no stranger to heartache. Hearing the advice of people who have been in the business with good marriages is encouraging. I really want this relationship to work. She is independent... but eventually I will be looking for a base job where I can be home most nights. Quitting flying in AK and finding a year round rotation job in BC is my first commitment to her. Sometimes you just know. I was kind of like the young bucks when I started flying, willing to go anywhere and leave a woman behind. Not now. She is worth coming home to. Love conquers all... but love alone is not enough without clear intention and actions.

 

Thanks for the wise words, feeling inspired...

[Hovergirl]

 

My opinion, your partner needs to be committed, independent and honest. Especially if a family is in the cards, the deal and commitment has to be acceptable to both- not just 'understood', but completely acceptable and happy-making.

 

Agreed. Once you're committed then her happiness is yours, and yours is hers and you need to make big decisions as a couple. Otherwise it's just a fight waiting to happen. Good luck and keep communicating!

[highandfly]

On 2/4/2013 at 2:36 AM, Fred0311 said:

I had a serious relationship crumble because I moved from Florida to Utah for flight school. Lasted about two weeks until she cheated because "you chose helicopters over me". Well I guess I have to have my priorities. I know that doesn't help but thought I'd share anyway. Good luck.

Opposite story as of mine, I was asked to join helicopters by my girlfriend and family. As they knew one day I'll make them proud!!