I dare you - to tell us about a most embarrassing moment...!

[Francis Meyrick]

I dare you - to tell us about a most embarrassing moment....!

 

I'll start. I'm not proud. Just stupid.

 

":Of Helicopters and Humans (13) - One midnight in the Departure hall"

 

 

 

[Fred0311]

Ok, so both of these stories will sound kind of lame but I assure you I was mortified for both. As a private student based out of an airport located in Bravo airspace learning the radio calls had it's interesting moments. One day all the birds were coming home to roost at about the same time and everyone was on with tower. I receive the call helicopter "N1234 follow redwood road north follow company traffic landing will be at your own risk remain east of kilo". Nothing unusual, except when I read back instructions I Scooby Doo'ed it. "Follow wed wood woad north" oh damn it... I still hear cracks about that one once in awhile... Some time later I was nearing my private check ride and confident in my radio and flying skills. I call approach and request clearance back into Bravo. "Helicopter N1234 squawk 1234 and say altitude". My reply... "Squeak 1234 5000 feet". I know I know it doesn't sound like much but my instructor was cracking up, approach was cracking up when he gave me clearance, even a Delta pilot was cracking up over the radio...

[Azhigher]

Las Vegas tower maverick 2 for the trop with unicorn *cough* uniform

 

... It wasn't a mistake.

[WolftalonID]

I cant really say any quantify as embarrassing more just stressful up till now. But.....there is always that persistent nightmare of showing up to work naked..... @@

Edited February 19, 2014 by WolftalonID

[Little Red 22]

I did a good one last weekend. I flew solo in my R22 to CMA for a seminar, and stowed my Zulu headset under the pilot seat to keep it out of the sun. After the seminar I started the engine, engaged the clutch, and then discovered my error. Opps. Had to do a full shutdown and retrieve my headset. Felt pretty stupid.

[adam32]

Hey moggy...I figured your most embarrassing moment was when you ruined a brand new paint job by washing a helicopter with a scotch brite pad...

[rotornut67]

Ok, mine is not aviation related it happened during my law enforcement career. I was on my way to testify before a Grand Jury and was called to investigate a one vehicle crash with no injuries. No big deal, I got this...I remember thinking "I hope I don't mess up the shine on my boots". I arrive on scene and discover that the vehicle has driven through a fence and into a cow pasture (I worked in a rural area). So now I am really concerned about the lovely shine on my duty boots. I gather my essentials and "carefully" begin to tip toe my way to the vehicle with extreme caution (those cows had really been eating good). During my delicate dance to avoid the numerous cow patties, I lost my footing (of course you knew that was going to happen), as I am doing a dance that Michael Jackson would have been proud of to keep from going full down in that manure infested place, I heard a gut wrenching tearing and ripping sound from the immediate vicinity of my crotch. I somehow managed to stay on my feet, but I had managed to rip the entire A$$ out of my uniform trousers!!!! My boot shine was now the least of my worries. I quickly got things wrapped up without further incident but I have no time to go home and put on a fresh uniform. I arrive for my appointment with the Grand Jury on time and a bit disheveled to say the least. The foreman asks me to come in and be sworn. As I walk into the room I noticed a solitary chair in the very front of the jury room (we usually sat at the head of a long table with the jurors seated on each side). Absolute panic has now set in! There was no way in Hades I was going to sit in that chair in front of all those people with the breeze blowing up the crack of my arse! I vaguely remember the foreman swearing me in. I DO REMEMBER him asking me to take a seat (that seat). LOL I calmly asked him if it would be ok if I stood while I presented my case. He seemed to ponder my request for what seemed like an eternity and then agreed...Thank you Lord for that blessing.

[aussiecop]

I have many on the LE side too Rotornut. But my most embarrassing aviation incident happened on my very first solo and could very well have been my last. I landed on the runway in icy conditions after about 20 hours dual and my instructor started to unbuckle his seatbelt. I asked him what in the sam hill he thought he was doing and he told me "I've got over 10,000 hours in my logbook and I know when a pilot is ready to solo and you're ready, so get the hell out of here and go fly a few patterns. Oh, and don't forget how light it's going to be without me in here" with that he closed the door and walked over to the taxi way.

 

I was completely unprepared for this turn of events, but also pretty stoked, so I ran her back up and sat just shy of light on the skids for a second to take a deep breath. I looked over at my instructor who gave me the "what the hell are you waiting for" look and made a lift gesture with both arms. It was icy, so I made sure the lift would be smooth and quick so the Enstrom shuffle didn't cause me any issues, then the next thing I knew I was in ETL and in the pattern.

 

I did a couple of circuits and then saw the owner of the helicopter pulling in to the FBO so it was time to bring it back in. I turned base to final and lined up for my approach on 18, as the stupid trainee, I was focusing on my decent and not enough on my instrument scans. As all of you know, the first place you know something is wrong is feeling it in your cheeks, which is exactly what happened when my speed got down to a little less than 30 knots as I came over the boundary fence and I felt the beginnings of a vortex ring state. As I simultaneously sucked up the seat leather between my cheeks, I was able to nose down and recover quickly enough that no one noticed anything on the ground.

 

I hover taxied over to the ramp and tried to dislodge the seat cushion leather from my rear end while I was putting her down with my instructors voice echoing in my head "scan the instruments, scan the instruments" My wife still laughs when I drive as she says that I look like a bobble head doll scanning for everything in my line of sight and likes to remind me that while I have the cruise set, the gauges in the car wont change. I tell her in return that if she ever flies a helicopter, she'll understand why that happens.

 

A good lesson I learned, without it being a hard one thankfully. The owner of the helicopter is actually on here occasionally. I wonder if he'll see this and realize how close one of his students came to bending his bird... Although, he's got a pretty thick skin, so he'd probably laugh!

[Wally]

Here's some:

 

First flight, October, 1968, TH55. Full of "Twelve O'Clock High" and a big greasy mess hall breakfast and lots of coffee, I dress warm to guard a against frostbite at a 1000' AGL Texas morning. Half hour into the flight, I tell Mr Key that I'm not well. Before we're back on the stage field, I prove it- a 130 lb WOC can puke on the front bubble without really trying.

"You did it, you clean it up".

 

November 1968, TH55, first solo.

Pick it up, left side very light(!), herd it to the lane. Clearing turn, takeoff, climbs fast(!) manage to be close to traffic pattern parameters all the way around, first approach. Geez, that was ragged. I'm a little nervous, talk yourself through the next pattern, Dumbie!

Next pattern is a little better, but I'm not much of an IP and ran out of things to say, so on the third and final pattern I sing to myself, all with the clench of death on the cyclic, including the radio...

 

May, early '90s, leaving Intracoastal City all alone in a Twinstar at first light for the south end of West Cam. Beached out 10 minutes ago, East Cam. What's going on in my gut? Clench... Clench... Half hour to go, I'm nott gonna make it! Pretty big platform right ahead, quarters, quick landing, whose platform? I don't care, grab a copy of today's paper, down the steps, into the galley, "Hey, guys, I hate to ask, but I'm in a kind of an urgent situation, you know, so?" They point down the hall, I drop the paper and run.

Nice guys, didn't rib me too much as I left. Still don't remember whose platform. No more Popeyes during the hitch!

[Francis Meyrick]

@ rotornut. FUNNY! I'm sitting at the computer at Intercoastal City Base, getting funny looks as I snicker and chuckle. I think the young pilots are probably worried about me. Rightly so. By the way, you write really well. More, please!

 

I have a true bovine "oops!" story, not actually heli-whoppers, but I'll offer it to you anyways. Here's the link: Not - my -finest - hour

 

Seeing as we are now plummeting the depths anyway, here's another embarrassing scribble.

 

Of Helicopters and Humans (3) "A right smelly git"

 

@ aussiecop

I miss my LE days, and there was so much funny at times, I haven't got around to writing it all up.

Here's some STUPID though. I don't know if that counts...

 

"A Lonely Cockpit"

 

[HeliNinja]

I cold-loaded passengers for a tour flight, fired up to idle and reached for my headset... which wasn't there. Luckily I had a handheld to radio the ramp supervisor to approach but I was too embarrassed to say why over the company freq. I think my passengers got a little nervous.

[Francis Meyrick]

maybe it's just me, the clumsy one. I seem to have LOTS.

 

Here's one...

 

"Serious as a Heart Attack"

 

I kid you not. Much.

[500E]

Know all the word Wally, I did first solo with grip of death was in patern when vibes started called in to say was landing NOW forgot to let go & cursed the FI for about 60 seconds regarding his stupidity to let me loose on my own, when I was on ground and a little more composed E.G. let go of switch a voice said not the way to get your first X country signed off then there was a lot of laughing,

Was a lifted tape.

[silver-eagle]

Ok, mine is not aviation related it happened during my law enforcement career. I was on my way to testify before a Grand Jury and was called to investigate a one vehicle crash with no injuries. No big deal, I got this...I remember thinking "I hope I don't mess up the shine on my boots". I arrive on scene and discover that the vehicle has driven through a fence and into a cow pasture (I worked in a rural area). So now I am really concerned about the lovely shine on my duty boots. I gather my essentials and "carefully" begin to tip toe my way to the vehicle with extreme caution (those cows had really been eating good). During my delicate dance to avoid the numerous cow patties, I lost my footing (of course you knew that was going to happen), as I am doing a dance that Michael Jackson would have been proud of to keep from going full down in that manure infested place, I heard a gut wrenching tearing and ripping sound from the immediate vicinity of my crotch. I somehow managed to stay on my feet, but I had managed to rip the entire A$$ out of my uniform trousers!!!! My boot shine was now the least of my worries. I quickly got things wrapped up without further incident but I have no time to go home and put on a fresh uniform. I arrive for my appointment with the Grand Jury on time and a bit disheveled to say the least. The foreman asks me to come in and be sworn. As I walk into the room I noticed a solitary chair in the very front of the jury room (we usually sat at the head of a long table with the jurors seated on each side). Absolute panic has now set in! There was no way in Hades I was going to sit in that chair in front of all those people with the breeze blowing up the crack of my arse! I vaguely remember the foreman swearing me in. I DO REMEMBER him asking me to take a seat (that seat). LOL I calmly asked him if it would be ok if I stood while I presented my case. He seemed to ponder my request for what seemed like an eternity and then agreed...Thank you Lord for that blessing.

Didn't I just read this story over on Pilots of America? You're either that same guy or snapping up really good stories. I can just see the fancy dance.

[t002200]

This wasn't embarassing at the time but it was pretty bad in retrospect...

 

I was a flying a slightly mentally disabled guy (late 30's/early 40's) for charity in SoCal back in February. The airport I left from was close to Disneyland and my plan was to surprise him by flying overhead, above the TFR. When we took off from the airport I could easily see the amusement park as I called ATC, announced my intentions and climbed up to 3500 agl. As I circled the amusement park ATC called back and asked me again what I was going to do. I told them again that I was just going to stay where I was and do a couple laps around Disneyland. After about 15 minutes of circling (he said he didn't want to go anywhere else and that he was having fun) we landed back at the airport. I told his mom where we had gone and what we had done and they were both so excited.

 

There was something that was bothering my about the whole flight though. It looked nothing like Disneyland from what I could tell. I couldn't even see the castle. It wasn't till about two days later, after bragging about how I had flown over Disneyland to everyone and their mother (I'm a "new" pilot ~325hours), I saw one of those cartoonish maps of Disneyland in Anaheim (I was visiting for HeliExpo) and compared it to one of the pictures I had taken on my phone. I was right, it looked nothing like Disneyland but it sure looked a whole lot like Knott's Berry Farm. I didn't bother to check my charts as I took off and just assumed that the amusement park I saw was Disneyland. ATC didn't say a dang thing about me being 5 miles from Disneyland either. Also, that poor guy still thinks we spent 20 minutes flying over Disneyland.

[aeroscout]

When you shoot for the heavens and fall short at least you land on the moon.

Shoot for Wallyworld next time.

[Francis Meyrick]

I can’t lay claim to this one. It’s the sort of thing I would easily achieve, without a doubt, but luckily, nobody ever let me loose in Antarctica with a helicopter. But my buddy knows exactly who the guilty parties are. I thought I’d pass it all down for posterity to reflect on…

 

Antarctica. Nice day. Bell 214. Hum-hum. Two happy pilots. Lots of happy passengers. Scientists, Marine Biologists, wildlife experts. Clear day. Good visibility. So much good.

 

Ah. Penguins. Lots of penguins. Thousands, no, millions of the little darlings.

 

Arrrr…… ain’t they cute? Little guys in Tuxedos, marching along, all harmless and loveable. Everybody loves Pandas, right? And Penguins are right up there, right?

Ho-hum…

Hey! Nice idea! Let’s do a low pass and show all the Marine Biologist and Science Gurus in the back the happy Penguins up close. Sure…. We can do that. Down, Moriarty.

One little Bell 214. Buzzing low and fast over the top of the ice pack, fifty yards from the edge. Lots and lots of Penguins. Standing on the edge, looking out over the Arctic Sea. Turning around, staring at this funny thing swooping low.

 

Arrr….. ain’t they cute? Look at the little sweethearts jumping in the water! Splash! Splash! Lots of little Penguins diving for the water. Nice…! Splash! Splash! Splash!

 

Squeals of delight from the back. The passengers are lapping it up. Loving it. The Captain and the First officer exchange grins. Good job, Moriarty. Now that’s one for good P.R., don’t you think?

They are really, really lapping it up in the back. Roars of delight. Shouting it out. One helluva show.

 

Multiple furious voices exploded over the intercom:

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GOONS DOING???

(Huh!?)

YOU ARE DRIVING THE PENGUINS STRAIGHT OVER THE EDGE!!!

(So?)

THERE’S A MILLION KILLER WHALES WAITING DOWN THERE, YOU FRIGGIN’ IDIOTS!!!

!!!!!!???????

(FUK!)

Splash! Splash! Splash! Arrr….. ain’t they cute? Look at the little sweethearts jumping in the water! Splash! Splash! Lots of little Penguins diving for the water. Innit nice…? Splash! Splash! Splash!

 

CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP!

 

(small voice) (Oh, sh*t…)

 

[aeroscout]

At the airport terminal I asked two of my fellow passenger why they were taking parachutes as carry on luggage. They said it wasn't theirs, that the airline gave all their 1st class customers parachutes to wear.

[helonorth]

It was the first day of a crew change I was assigned to do outside of my normal contract. One trip out and back, every other week, to Eugene Island 331A . What the hell, it will break up the monotony a little.

 

Get the guys loaded up and the foreman tells me to I have to pick up his relief at "219". It's about 25 miles north, on the way to the beach. No problem! Check to see if 219 is in my GPS. Not in there. Odd, I know this aircraft has probably flown this field as every other coordinate is in there. Drop the guys at 331, get some fuel next door at 314 and head to 219. Something doesn't feel right.

 

As I get closer to 219, it's nothing but open water for miles. How can my coordinates book be wrong? It's never been wrong! I hear another pilot landing at 219 and ask him for coordinates and plug them in. 25 miles east of my location...what? And now I don't have the fuel. My day is getting worse by the minute. I have no choice but to go back to 314 for fuel. I can feel the guys in the back eye's burning into my neck..."first day and the stupid pilot is flying around in circles..." As I am getting fuel, thoroughly confused and red faced at my predicament, I bust out the chart and have a revelation: Ship Shoal 219? I ask the guy next to me if this fellow is patiently waiting for us in Ship Shoal. "Uh, yeah!" Off to Ship Shoal 219 we go.

 

I wasted about a half hour, which is an eternity to someone that's been offshore for 14 days and finally going in. If that other pilot hadn't been landing at SS219 and I hadn't talked to him, I wonder at what point I would have finally figured it out. Live and learn...

Edited July 29, 2014 by helonorth

[Francis Meyrick]

High speed pursuit, lots of sirens, chopper overhead, drama & confusion. Just another day at the office. Dispatcher & patrol commander are querying pursuing officer over the radio. They want the License Plate. Pursuing cop (sounding harassed):

"I can't read it...!"

Insistent requests.

Pursuing cop:

"I can't read it...!!"

Even more insistent requests.

Pursuing cop: "I can't read it... HIS BALLS ARE IN THE WAY!!!

Silence on the frequency. Momentary pause. A million tiny minds are trying to work that one out.

Pursuing cop (sounds kind of squeaky):

 

"Errrrr..... I meant to say, his TOW HITCH is in the way..."

 

[Hand_Grenade_Pilot]

Accidentally addressed a female controller as 'sir'. Brief moment of awkward silence, followed by a slightly irritated response. Very embarrassing to say the least, especially because it was obvious that it was a woman.

 

Worst part was that it was at the airport I'm based at! I have to talk to her nearly every day.

 

Whoops.

[aeroscout]

Accidentally addressed a female controller as 'sir'. Brief moment of awkward silence, followed by a slightly irritated response. Very embarrassing to say the least, especially because it was obvious that it was a woman.

 

Worst part was that it was at the airport I'm based at! I have to talk to her nearly every day.

 

Whoops.

Yeah, but is she able to match your voice to you (or an aircraft you fly exclusively) ?

[Francis Meyrick]

@ hand grenade

 

You gotta be careful there, mate. Lordie.

 

So my buddy, big, genial, cheerful, comes stomping into the narrow trailer wot passes for our base pilot crew room. His path is blocked by another unknown stranger-visiting pilot, bending over the table, writing. My buddy wishes to get past, but there is not enough room between the tatty faux-leather sofa and the greasy wall.

The pilot blocking his path is...um.... sturdily built. Put it this way, my buddy's path is positively blocked.

My buddy raises his hands to face height, and wiggles his fingers in that way. You know, if you were a prisoner in a cell, and this officer dude walks in with a wicked grin, wearing blue rubber gloves, flexing his fingers....that way.... you would know it just ain't your day. My buddy seems to be hesitating between grabbing the obstacle's HIPS, or squeezing BUTT, or....Lord Knows. He's in a real happy mood. I, for my part, am sitting in full view of the sturdy pilot, who is looking at me, so I don't quite know HOW to handle imminent catastrophe. I just kind of LOOK. At my buddy.

Something in my expression causes him to PAUSE, at the last second. He looks at me. he looks at the back of the head of the person ahead of him. He (very slowly) leans around and checks, and this very nice LADY (very, very nice) SMILES at him. "Am I in your way?"

My buddy kind of jumps a whole foot in the air, I sigh.

 

Afterwards, he thanks me profusely. I have to ask him: "Errr... I didn't know what to say, so I just kind of LOOKED. What did you see in my face...?"

 

Without hesitation, my buddy, ruefully, says: "Horror..."

 

[Hand_Grenade_Pilot]

Yeah, but is she able to match your voice to you (or an aircraft you fly exclusively) ?

 

Probably. No hard feelings though from what I can tell. At least until the next time I say something stupid

[silver-eagle]

I dare you - to tell us about a most embarrassing moment....!

 

I'll start. I'm not proud. Just stupid.

 

":Of Helicopters and Humans (13) - One midnight in the Departure hall"

 

 

 

 

Another fine story but... Chicken. Teddy deserves to ride along with you. Do what I do when people comment on my two, Bodie and Chuck. They are my kids. Go everywhere with me. And just think, cheap (don't eat much and ride in the carry-on) and no cleaning up after them. I probably have 1,000s of pictures of them eating breakfast, lunch, or dinner with me; a night out at the pub; back of the airplane; top of the lighthouse in a gust strong enough little Bodie almost did a superman off the tower.

I got Chuck to accompany me at an AOPA "Halloween" party. He's decked out in a leather flying vest and helmet, goggles, and a silk scarf. We were (sort of) twins. Bodie was my girlfriend's bear. She passed away a year ago. It won't be the same traveling without their Mom.