Spouse/significant others reactions to WOFT

[StockTrader]

So I did a search but nothing really specific to this topic has come up. I find myself in a situation im sure someone here has had to be in. I made it known to my girlfirend about my intentions for WOFT. She doesnt seem to be on board at all. Hopefully by the end of this year we will be engaged. She has a budding career in accounting and myself in finance. She said she cant do the military life and wants us to both have the 9-5 happy go lucky lives. But i cant shake the desire to do this. This is 100% the girl i want to spend my life with. I want her to continue her career but i dont know if thats possible with moving every so often due to the needs of the army. How have other people approached this? Im still completing my packet and am hoping to warm her up to the idea as my completion draws near.

[Rob1237051]

You're going to have to choose if you can't convince her. Military life is demanding and in no way the 9-5 happy go lucky life she wants. I was deployed half the time I was at my last unit. Out of the time I was at home station, a further 1/3 was spent OPCONed out to various missions or in training. That was difficult for my family.

 

It is hard for spouses to get jobs and keep them within a small span of time. That's especially true when the serviceman is gone and they're by themselves.

[brackac]

There is nothing 9 - 5 about Army Aviation. Since I left flight school 6 years ago, I have deployed twice to Afghanistan, completed two JRTC rotations, participated in the Jaded Thunder exercise at Creech AFB, completed HAMETS in Colorado, graduated WOAC, Graduated the Aviation Safety Officer course back at Rucker, and finally completed the Army Fixed Wing course, also back at Rucker. That doesn't even include the gunneries, night flights, studying, or the 50 billion other things that keep you at work. Army Aviation is a time consuming career.

 

Tough decision you have ahead of you. I would quickly choose my marriage over my career, if it came to that, but my wife has been 100% supportive throughout my military career. The military isn't my life, it's just my job.

[Talon64]

If this is the one, then a compromise could be met. Afterall, compromises will be a must throughout a potential lifelong relationship. Whether it's military decisions, financial decision, retirement decision later in life... Why do you want to join the army and be a warrant officer? Can you satisfy your wants by flying in the civilian sector (yea right). Are you the patriotic type that wants to serve? Is there another way you could serve that doesn't require you to get into such a high ops tempo career field? Can she put her career on hold until you do you? Or vice versa? You have a TOUGH decision... I was lucky. My family and wife are completely supportive and she is building her career in small steps and maximizing her academic opportunities soon to complete her masters... Then when I get out, she'll be my "sugar momma" so to speak. Good luck to you, Sir.

[Ardo09203]

I actually find myself in the complete opposite situation. My wife has been nothing but supportive and encouraging about this decision. Which is not the normal reaction you'd expect from a girl who's parents were both military, and have missed their fair share of birthdays and life events (first steps, prom, graduation).

 

However, I find myself constantly going back and forth internally on whether or not I'd rather purse my dreams of becoming a pilot and more importantly a solider. Or if I'd rather stick it out in the corporate grind and pursue the big pay checks.

 

You see, I just took over responsibility of a growing department at my firm, and so far things look very promising. I am poised to be the VP or at least the Principal of Operations for this group very soon should this pattern of growth continue. The growth potential is amazing, and I can see reaching the $100k/year mark before turning 25 being a rather attainable goal.

 

I also run my own small business selling firearms, and have recently started to get into modification and manufacture of firearms. This also has the potential to be a big money maker.

 

I am constantly going back and forth with myself. Do I want to submit myself to the hell that is the Army, making only $50k a year, and be be happier knowing that I am doing what I love, with the possibility of finding a job when I get out that pays $70-120k? Or do I stick to the corporate role, and start making the big bucks, most of which will probably end up in Bristow Academy's pocket anyway, and always be haunted by the "what if's"?

 

If you ask anyone who's been around a while, they will tell you to always choose happiness over money, and since I'm only 22, I've got plenty of time to decide what happiness really is. Might as well take the route that has an age limit first.

 

I understand that this post was not really related to your question, but I do hope that it helps you to understand that sometimes you have to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Never let a career stand in the way of love or happiness. But as most of us WOFT guys know, this is not just a career, but a passion. Anyone in true love will tell you that you have to love yourself, before you can truly love another. I suppose the same can be said about passions. You have to follow YOUR passions, before you can be passionate about another person's passions. Your significant other will always find work wherever you move, but in order for her to truly be happy, her husband/fiance, needs to be happy. If WOFT is what you think will make you happy, it is her duty as a wife to not stand in the way of you being happy. Consequently, it is your duty as a husband to not let your pursuit of happiness stand in the way of keeping your wife happy. As they always say, "happy wife, happy life", and with WOFT, it certainly is a balancing act.

 

There is a decision to be made here, and I'm confident that you will make the right one.

 

P.S. I think I just wrote my essay.

 

 

 

[d10]

If WOFT is what you think will make you happy, it is her duty as a wife to not stand in the way of you being happy.

 

 

Had to check the time stamp on this post to make sure this thread wasn't bumped from the 1950s.

[Joe_P148]

It's a lot to ask of a spouse to jump on board with this.. Move to Alabama then to a duty station....

 

You need to have a Rock solid marriage before you ship to basic, Rucker, than a unit.

 

If your wife is not down with that then you may need to choose one or the other my friend.

 

A rocky marriage or a unhappy wife is not the way to start a career in this field.

[2ndGen]

Simple fact, y'all aren't even engaged yet. If you want WOFT go for it. As a girl friend it's her choice to stay or leave. I joined as a married guy with two kids, it was very much a mutual decision based on my dreams and our family's needs.

[Ardo09203]

 

 

Had to check the time stamp on this post to make sure this thread wasn't bumped from the 1950s.

Why's that? Your significant other shouldn't stand in the way of what you want, and you should both be open to compromise.

[Talon64]

2nd gen I'm going in w two kids and my wife as well! Is it crazy hard or what? Despite their support?

 

As far as who started this post, chase your dreams. I'm not sure how young you are. When I enlisted into the air force I thought I was about to get engaged with the one as well and I did and got married. And I was stupid young. We ended up divorced. And she was supportive as well btw. The point of all tht is that "sh*t'll buff out!"

 

Good luck

[StockTrader]

^{Thank you everyone for the input. It really is going to be a rough decision. I want WOFT and she wants the typical white picket fence lifestyle. Im hoping in the next few months to bring her on board and get her comfortable with the idea. She also brings up the "I dont want you getting shot at or hurt" line all the time. And to answer the civilian flying question, no chance. One of my biggest regrets is not trying to do this sooner. I thought only OCS or West Point grads got the flight seats. Then I found WOFT after searching OCS and trying to find the age limits for aviation. When asked "Whats Jeff wanted to do since he was little", my grandma didnt even hesitate and said army pilot.}

 

^{My way of looking at it right now is this. Im going to put my packet in and if I get selected, then let the cards fall where they are supposed to and follow my dream. If i don't get selected, it wasn't meant to be and I'm still in the position I'm in now. Either way it's not a losing scenario. Any ideas of stuff I can say to the girlfriend that may help ease her mind?}

[Joe_P148]

You nailed it. " if it wasn't meant to be it wasn't meant to be".

[Wally]

Bear in mind that I haven't been military since 1971...

Two things:

 

If you really and truly love her, how do you ask that she live a life she doesn't want? It is a hard life even for an enthusiatic supportive partner. If she doesn't want it for you more than you do, you're heading for grief if you drag her into this. She's on board for you or not at all.

 

It's your one and only life. If you have to be a military aviator, be one absolutely and completely (WTF, it might kill you anyhow). If you have to be with her, do that without reservations.

 

I just don't see compromise working in this case...

[Flim]

Well,

 

I'm 33 and have a wife plus a few kids... I plan on my packet hitting the May board and cannot be more excited. My wife is awesome and is nervous for my safety, but is 100% supportive. All she knows is the pilot's wife lifestyle, so military won't be such a huge change. I see it more as an adventure while getting to fly low and slow... Kicks the crap out of flying around at 40000 ft all day with annoying needy passengers. Lastly, I would rather get shot at then sit behind any kind of desk !

[nightmare515]

So I did a search but nothing really specific to this topic has come up. I find myself in a situation im sure someone here has had to be in. I made it known to my girlfirend about my intentions for WOFT. She doesnt seem to be on board at all. Hopefully by the end of this year we will be engaged. She has a budding career in accounting and myself in finance. She said she cant do the military life and wants us to both have the 9-5 happy go lucky lives. But i cant shake the desire to do this. This is 100% the girl i want to spend my life with. I want her to continue her career but i dont know if thats possible with moving every so often due to the needs of the army. How have other people approached this? Im still completing my packet and am hoping to warm her up to the idea as my completion draws near.

 

I don't want to sound like a bigot but when it comes to the military life your spouse is almost always going to be the one who has to be willing to compromise. In the military you don't get to say "well I don't want to PCS because my wife is in school or has a good job here". She is going to have to work her life around yours, not vice versa. Not because you will be uncaring but because you wont have a choice.

 

The Army isn't a 9-5 job, and when you get the Rucker she will be making some very huge sacrifices because you will literally be too busy to spend more than a few hours with her a week. Then after that and you get into a real unit you will have TDY's, long days sometimes, deployments, etc.

 

This is one of those unfortunate situations to where you have to honestly ask yourself what's more important to you. Your career or your girlfriend. Not to sound mean, but that's pretty much the bottom line.

 

I had the dream of being a pilot since I was 3 years old and everyone who ever knew me knew that. So for me the decision was simple. In my mind there was never any debate, no matter who you are, family, friends, or significant other, if you make me choose between you and my dreams then I 100% promise you that you will lose. Again that may sound a bit harsh, but that's the way it was with me.

[smalltownguy]

Well, if you go the WOFT route and she dumps your sorry butt... you can be my wingman in the air and on the ground haha.

[d10]

Why's that? Your significant other shouldn't stand in the way of what you want, and you should both be open to compromise.

That's a lot different from saying she has a duty to make a certain decision. And in this case, as others have pointed out, there's no good compromise. Someone will need to give up their dream to support the other. Neither have a duty to do so. There's one guy I knew throughout my entire Army career who had a wife with a similar career to Jeff's girlfriend, unable to move at the Army's will without giving that up. They met after he arrived at his first duty station and he managed to avoid PCSing. Only stayed in for his initial commitment.

[I3uller]

Ah, being single makes life so much easier. Big fan.

[smalltownguy]

Ah, being single makes life so much easier. Big fan.

It has some serious perks with the deployment lifestyle. For instance, if I don't spend my money while on deployment... its still in my bank account for ME when I get home!

 

In regards to the OP, only you know what is best for you... whether that be with her or not. Sounds like the only thing to do at this point is some serious soul searching and a MAJOR sit down with your woman! Best of luck brother, the good ones don't come around everyday (food for thought).

[2ndGen]

2nd gen I'm going in w two kids and my wife as well! Is it crazy hard or what? Despite their support?

As far as who started this post, chase your dreams. I'm not sure how young you are. When I enlisted into the air force I thought I was about to get engaged with the one as well and I did and got married. And I was stupid young. We ended up divorced. And she was supportive as well btw. The point of all tht is that "sh*t'll buff out!"

Good luck

Deployments are hard on the fam, period. Totally worth it though. My kids think I'm super cool, and my wife is very proud.

[Talon64]

Deployments are hard on the fam, period. Totally worth it though. My kids think I'm super cool, and my wife is very proud.

That's awesome I bet!

That's actually one of the major things that has me so stoked is that my oldest(6yo) daughter is super excited for her daddy to fly helicopters. The both are, but mostly her! She says she wants me to fly the one with lots of guns haha

[Joe_P148]

Lastly, I would rather get shot at then sit behind any kind of desk !

 

No you wouldn't....

 

Once it happens you will take back that statement, very quickly....

[I3uller]

 

No you wouldn't....

 

Once it happens you will take back that statement, very quickly....

 

You never know. I know some guys that liked it. Not that I get off on it personally, but I'd take incoming rounds once in a while over sitting behind a desk for the rest of my life. I just can't stand desk jobs.

[d10]

 

No you wouldn't....

 

Once it happens you will take back that statement, very quickly....

 

I've done both, I'll take my chances with the bullets.

[skyreaper]

This is going to help the next 6 months, knowing that incoming rounds is preferable to sitting behind a desk. Ive only done the desk, but would agree so far in my ignorance to that.